Patrick Willis Facts

by David Fucillo on Jan 9, 2008 10:03 AM PST in San Francisco 49ers News

So I was poking around the Internet this morning and stumbled across some funny stuff over at Yardbarker.com. Yardbarker's big claim to fame is having athletes use their site as a blogging platform. However, anybody can create their own quasi/mini-blog through them. If you search 49ers, you'll come across all sorts of random postings. Anyways, I was surfing around and came across Patrick Willis facts. A lot of times, these kinds of facts are just copying the original Chuck Norris Facts and changing the names. In this case, there are some pretty original ones listed. The person who posted them apparently got them in an email forward. Here are some of my favorites:

Patrick Willis once sacked the quarterback before the ball was snapped. He was not offsides.
Patrick Willis wears pads and a helmet because it is mandated by the league rules. Everyone else in the NFL wears pads and a helmet because of Patrick Willis.
Patrick Willis once returned a fumble and an interception for a touchdown on the same play.
Patrick Willis likes his eggs sunny side up, with salt, pepper, and ground wide receiver.
Chances are, at some point in your life, you have, or will be tackled by Patrick Willis.
It has been said that Barry Bonds once hit a homerun and the ball never landed. This is not true. The story has been confused with that of the time that Patrick Willis once hit a running back, who never landed.
Patrick Willis once tackled a running back simply by looking at him.
Patrick Willis tackled the Virgin Mary and Jesus was born.
Patrick Willis knows exactly where in the world Carmen San Diego is...because he dropped her ass for a 5 yard loss.
Patrick Willis wasnt the eleventh pick of the draft, he was the first...TWICE.
The NFL has renamed the "injury list" to "Hotel Willis"
For his workouts, Patrick Willis bench presses Larry Allen.
On draft day, commissioner Goodell offered his hand in congratulations. Instead, Patrick Willis tackled him through the podium.
If Patrick Willis and Chuck Norris were in a room at the same time it would prematurely cause the second coming of Christ.
Patrick Willis plays Linebacker, because if he played running back he would still get tackled by Patrick Willis.
Football is like a one man cold to Patrick Willis, he's the only one catching it, he's the only one coming down with it.
When Patrick Willis was born, he was already flagged for unnecessary roughness.
Patrick Willis is immortal, solely because the grim reaper is scared to get tackled by him.

Gotta love Bamm-Bamm! Feel free to add your own.

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facts

Most earthquakes in California are actually just the ground shaking after Patrick Willis makes a tackle.

Patrick Willis never actually broke his hand - he just wore a cast to try to make things more fair for the other team.

The legendary and mythical fountain of youth is actually Patrick Willis' urine.

Tiki Barber retired not because he wanted to be on TV, but because he didn't want to get tackled by Patrick Willis.

Bring back the classic Uni's!

by wjackalope on Jan 9, 2008 10:53 AM PST reply actions

Bet you didn`t know...

...that thunder isn't actually the sound of lightning, it's the sound of Willis popping his knuckles.

...that the movie Twins(with Schwarzenegger and DeVito)was actually based on Willis' birth. It's true, turns out Gary Coleman is his twin, "What chu talkin' bout Willis."

...that Willis once tackled a guy so hard that Emanuel Lewis popped out of his ass.

...that Bush nominated Willis for secretary of defense but he didn't meet the age requirement.

Is a suit still considered a suit if it is made by Reebok?

by jfainsf49 on Jan 9, 2008 11:40 AM PST reply actions

Alright

Patrick Willis punched Chuck Norris in the face.

I keep reliving the moment when Steve Young almost fell down. Over and over. / My Blog, For Writers

by howtheyscored on Jan 9, 2008 11:56 AM PST reply actions

Obviously

I'm no good at these.

I keep reliving the moment when Steve Young almost fell down. Over and over. / My Blog, For Writers

by howtheyscored on Jan 9, 2008 11:56 AM PST up reply actions

You're close

Well, you got the first half of it down, now you just need to finish it off. Something like:

...which will forever be known as "The Day After Tomorrow".

Nevermind, I suck as these too.

We are not who I thought we were.

by marcello on Jan 9, 2008 1:54 PM PST up reply actions

How about...

If Chuck Norris tried to roundhouse kick Patrick Willis while being tackled, the result would rip the time-space continuum.

by BawLa on Jan 9, 2008 3:24 PM PST up reply actions

hey!

I saw this two weeks ago... now let me try

Ed Hochulli fears Patrick Willis

wait... I suck at these too

by PHUT! on Jan 9, 2008 12:12 PM PST reply actions

Immature

Once Willis lit one of his farts. Since that time, wildlife experts and game wardens statewide have speculated that he caused all the wildfires out there in Cali.

Is a suit still considered a suit if it is made by Reebok?

by jfainsf49 on Jan 9, 2008 12:30 PM PST reply actions

Stealing from my own Matt Cain facts

God is named God because Patrick Willis was already taken

The number 1000 was invented so the number of tackles by Patrick Willis could be measured

by groug on Jan 9, 2008 1:41 PM PST reply actions

Ah

You must mean tackles in a season.

I keep reliving the moment when Steve Young almost fell down. Over and over. / My Blog, For Writers

by howtheyscored on Jan 9, 2008 1:48 PM PST up reply actions

title

In a game, actually.

by groug on Jan 9, 2008 2:54 PM PST up reply actions

-When Patrick Willis sneezes, it creates a cyclone in the Eastern Pacific.

-The NFL is considering making the field 20 yards wider to prevent Patrick Willis from making so many tackles. It won't work.

-One time Patrick Willis played blindfolded. He still made 14 tackles, finding the ball carrier by using the Force.

Bring back the classic Uni's!

by wjackalope on Jan 9, 2008 2:31 PM PST reply actions

CORRECTION

Patrick Willis IS the force.

Niners Nation - The premier 49ers blog on the Internet!

by David Fucillo on Jan 9, 2008 2:41 PM PST up reply actions

P-Dub

When Patrick Willis is in the room, Silly Putty is serious, and Crazy Glue is sane.

Lott's Prayer: Almost as many words as the Lord's Prayer, but the Lord wouldn't recognize any of them.

by Nosetackle Supreme on Jan 9, 2008 2:56 PM PST reply actions

Patrick Willis can see instant replays, BEFORE THE PLAY HAPPENS

Lott's Prayer: Almost as many words as the Lord's Prayer, but the Lord wouldn't recognize any of them.

by Nosetackle Supreme on Jan 9, 2008 3:01 PM PST up reply actions

I'm up.

Patrick Willis' tackles cure cancer.

Patrick Willis does know what Willis is talking about.

Patrick Willis beat the '72 Dolphins and the '08 Patriots.... twice.

The 49ers don't need a D-Line, they have Patrick Willis.

Bamb-Bamb from the Flintstones had to change his name in order to be protected from Willis' (the real Bam-Bam) wrath.

The Flintstones show ended because Patrick Willis wanted the nickname "Bam-Bam".

Patrick Willis missing a tackle actually coincides with Halley's Comet; it happens every 75 years. Thus, it will happen approximately 3 more times in Willis' career.

Merton Hanks, 'nuff said.

by jtoj on Jan 9, 2008 4:00 PM PST reply actions

I'll try

Three fourths of the world is covered by water, the other fourth is covered by Patrick Willis

Once the entire defense except Willis took a series off, so did the offense after seeing Willis come out alone

by Vote4Gore on Jan 9, 2008 5:54 PM PST reply actions

+1

On a quarter of the world being covered by Willis. Because in all seriousness it would seem the 10 other guys on defense cover a quarter of the field and Willis mans the other 3 quarters but that doesn't sinc very well...nevermind I suck and interpolating these things.

by methodrampage on Jan 9, 2008 8:41 PM PST up reply actions

More fun facts

Once Clark Kent stepped into a phone booth and stepped out in a Willis uniform.

Willis rents out the Fortress of Solitude to Superman. Superman has never been late on rent.

Willis doesn't cross the Golden Gate bridge to get across the Bay, he leaps it.

Willis doesn't need to be articulate or have a large vocabulary, he just mumbles and people say "Okay Patrick, please don't tackle me."

When Willis has children, he won't be able to play with them because he will tackle their little asses into oblivion.

As a youngster, Willis didn't spin the merry-go-round, he spun the Earth.

Willis' origins can be traced back to a black hole deep within the universe.

Willis once tackled Mount Everest. Everest was on IR for the rest of the season.

Willis was once on the Price is Right. Bob Barker said, "Patrick Willis come on down." Willis thought he heard "down set hut." Well, needless to say, Drew Carey is now the host.

Willis' keyboard is made from titanium.

Alright, I will get back to work now. Peace.

P.S.

Is there any way this can be a permanent feature? Maybe just during the offseason or something. This is a really fun way to kill some time.

Is a suit still considered a suit if it is made by Reebok?

by jfainsf49 on Jan 10, 2008 7:45 AM PST reply actions

On-going feature

I can create "special pages," which I can keep track of them. Then I can put up a link to it. Every so often I'm more than happy to run a post with some of the new one's you guys have come up with and that can be an open thread to add more Facts. Any ideas on how often you'd want to see that kind of post run?

Niners Nation - The premier 49ers blog on the Internet!

by David Fucillo on Jan 10, 2008 7:55 AM PST up reply actions

On-going feature

You know how you got the Colts Vodoo thing up there on the left? I was thinking of something like that, maybe with a link added or something, it could flash when a new one has been added. If you are talking about throwing up an occasional post, I am not sure, maybe once or twice a week.

Is a suit still considered a suit if it is made by Reebok?

by jfainsf49 on Jan 10, 2008 8:18 AM PST up reply actions