Yes but they’re ‘R’ rated and reflect rather poorly on me.

Yeah, but I don’t think I could get through them without getting angry and swearing.

Actually, I was staying at friend’s house last night. I think it was just a “I haven’t been to the store and NEED this damn milk for one more morning!” kind of thing. I actually tried to fix it by adding heavy cream to the mix, but that just made it grosser.

Two stories that go together:

First, so senior year of college, we used plastic red cups for everything. Drinks, shots, water, soda, protein shakes, cereal, soup. I had a giant stack of red cups in my desk week-after-week and never used any dishes. One of my roommates was really environmentally concious and got pissed at me for this.

Second, the third roommate was obsessed with being tough. He bought a knife online, then had a field day stabbing everything. I’d be drinking a Diet Coke, then he’d stab the can for fun before there’d be diet coke leaking everywhere.

One day, I poured myself a glass of milk in a red cup, then as I drank it, the milk spilled all over me. It turns out my roommates conspired and the crazy one had stabbed all the red cups for fun.

Senior year of college I lived with 10 other guys in a house. It was a little out of control. I have two stories that could be considering not inappropriate to share.

1) Wake up one morning to find the bathroom that 7 of us used (7 guys, 1 bathroom…bad news bears) covered in what looked like, at first glance, chunky blood. Upon further inspection, it was determined that someone had eaten sweet and sour chicken the previous night, gotten drunk, and puked it up all over the bathroom. The person who did this either couldn’t remember or wouldn’t fess up to it, so no one could be held responsible. Since no one wanted to clean up someone elses puke it didn’t get cleaned up for a week. We eventually drew straws for who got to be the unlucky guy.

2) The second thing was a repeated prank on pretty much everyone. As I said, 7 guys for 1 bathroom. Whenever someone would go to take a shower, someone would always try to poop while they were showering. With the heat and steam, the smell is just horrible. Pretty much everyone did this to everyone. Foul but funny and there’s nothing the person in the shower can really do to stop it.

my freshman year I lived in a suite – 5 rooms, 1 living room, one bathroom. So this real douche bag (can I say that?) lived in one of the other rooms – so (now I’m trying to remember the exact details) one time near the end of the year he got wasted and threw up in the room, like all over his keyboard and the floor, and whatnot. And if I’m remembering correctly he got up the next day and left without cleaning it up, like left for the weekend, so his poor roommate (this weird socially introverted kinda guy) had to clean it up.

So when we’re moving out, weird social introvert guy moves out first, and he writes on their dry erase board “Bye. Thanks for the puke.”

It was funny at the time.

The other one is about this other douche bag (again, can I say that?) lived in our suite my sophomore year, and this guy was a real meat head, he went to the gym like twice a day. He also was real sweaty and gross, and probably taking steroids, because he took literally like three showers a day to try to control his back-ne. It was disgusting. The best part of the whole year was when he had some very unattractive girl in his bed, and someone overheard them going at it, and then heard him go “I’m sorry I’m sorry, it never happens that fast!”

So far, I’m undefeated.