How Hammer Helped the Holdout

This is just ridiculous. Since when does a once bankrupt, parachute pants wearin', been passe for 15 years old school rapper have any influence on contract negotiations between a rookie NFL wide receiver and the team that drafted him? Oh, when Deion "Prime Time" Sanders is involved, that's when. Sheesh.

Jump to find out how the one and only MC Hammer saved Mike Crabtree and the 49ers by helping them to synchronize their watches to Hammertime.

Hammer was worried that Michael Crabtree was going to suffer the same fate he did (bankruptcy), only before Mike made it big. He decided to put an end to this preposterous holdout and set out to meet up with 49ers owner Jed York at Eddie DeBartolo's induction into the 49ers HoF (Yay for organized crime!!!). He saw York from across the room at the reception, walked straight over to him and said, "Here Comes the Hammer! Pump It Up (Here's The News): about this Crabtree thing, I Can Make It Better. Let's not make this Brother Versus Brother. Brothers Hang On! Y'all gotta be Street Soldiers! Help The Children!"

"I'm the Son Of The King, Feel My Power!" Jed said, angered at first, but then his face became ashen. "But, The Thrill Is Gone. You're right we have to Help the Children. If you can help restart this thing Cold, Go MC Hammer, Ring 'Em Up. Work This!"

When Hammer got home, he excitedly called Crabtree's secret cell number, "They Put Me In The Mix, You're Being Served. You Can't go on Living In A World Like This, you've got to Find Yourself A Friend."

Crabtree was 2 Legit 2 Quit on the Niners. He was tired of telling them, "U Can't Touch This." When Hammer called, he knew what to do: "I know... I know...The media's trying to make this out to be a Crime Story, but it ain't like that. Ring 'Em Up, Get It Started."

Crabtree flew into SF by night and slinked to a secluded Palo Alto luxury hotel for the fateful meeting with 49ers brass.

Jed York started things off, "So now you say, Let's Get It Started?!?! That's What I Said 3 weeks ago! Us Niners, we're Gaining Momentum, This Is The Way We Roll, Do Not Pass Me By. Tell Me (Why Can't We Live Together)?" With that, he threw his offer down on the table.

Crabtree and Parker were quick to step in line (because they had no leverage), and a deal was hammered out overnight.

As Crabtree put ink to paper, Coach Singletary leapt out of his hiding place in the closet, "Yo Sweetness, Turn This Motha Out!!!" Sing announced.

Startled, York turned to MC Hammer, "Alright Hammer, we Good To Go? Where's Denise, where's my little Lovehold? Have You Seen Her?"

"That Dancing Machine? She's out in the limo ready to hit the clubs." replied Hammer.

"Ugh, I hate dancing. Whatever, let's go."

They ran out the door into the assembled media throng, leaving Crabtree and Coach alone together. Through the door York could be heard loudly pleading, "Please Hammer, don't hurt 'em!"

Crabtree quickly turned his attention to the future, "Coach, I can't wait to Mix It, Toss It, & Bust It. Let's Go Deeper!"

Singletary frowned, "That's What I Said! I Pray that you'll be Releasing Some Pressure on Hill. Our line is... let's just say She's Soft And Wet. Hey, the past is the past, it's all good, It's Gone, you know. Black Is Black, Addams Groove." said Coach Sing nodding as if he just said something wise.

This confused Crabtree, "Coach, but that doesn't make any sense!"

Singletary's eyes widened and his mouth settled into that familiar crease as if he was watching a rookie receiver running a shallow crossing route across his zone, "You think you're the Son Of The King?" he barked, "I'm the Coach, Feel My Power! I don't have to make sense! Tomorrow morning you run up Mount Singletary! I want 10 summits, and I want you to Count It Off!"

The end.