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Patrick Willis Facts: The dead serious truth about Bamm Bamm

All the way back in January of last year I stumbled across something called Patrick Willis facts over at Yardbarker.  They basically took a few of the Chuck Norris facts and turned them into Patrick Willis facts.  They also developed some of their own and we built on that with an assortment of new ones.  We brought it back in March after I stumbled across more facts at the 49ers.com messageboard.  And, of course, this past January we brought it back one more time during OC Watch 2009.

Since that time the Niners Nation community has increased thanks in large part to our Yahoo Sports deal.  In our Story Ideas Open Thread, tanos135 asked to have it brought back, so I thought now was as good a time as any to try and generate some more Patrick Willis facts.  I'll post a bunch of the old ones and let's see what new ones we can come up with.  Again, some of these are old Norris facts, but still amusing nonetheless.  The first one was a comment from sam23 I noticed in our early Madden ratings post a while back.  I made a slight adjustment to fit the phrasing of a fact.  Enjoy!

  • In the Madden ratings, Patrick Willis is actually a 198, the third digit just doesn’t show up.
  • The Flintstones show ended because Patrick Willis wanted the nickname "Bamm-Bamm"
  • The NFL has renamed the "injury list" to "Hotel Willis"
  • Patrick Willis knows exactly where in the world Carmen San Diego is...because he dropped her ass for a 5 yard loss.
  • One time Patrick Willis played blindfolded.  He still made 14 tackles, finding the ball carrier by using the Force.
  • Correction, Patrick Willis is "the force."
  • Patrick Willis can see instant replays before the play happens
  • Kellen Winslow is a soldier, Patrick Willis is an army
  • Patrick Willis missing a tackle actually coincides with Halley's Comet; it happens every 75 years. Thus, it will happen approximately 3 more times in Willis' career.
  • Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Patrick Willis because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Patrick Willis' autobiography.
  • Patrick Willis proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition.
  • According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Patrick Willis can actually tackle you yesterday.
  • Adrian Peterson fears Patrick Willis (had to counter the AP facts!)
  • Willis once tackled Mount Everest. Everest was on IR for the rest of the season.
  • Patrick Willis once returned a fumble and an interception for a touchdown on the same play.
  • 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Patrick Willis. After a workout, Patrick Willis rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA.
  • Patrick Willis wears pads and a helmet because it is mandated by the league rules. Everyone else in the NFL wears pads and a helmet because of Patrick Willis.
  • Willis wasn't slowed by the rookie wall. Willis WAS the rookie wall

0 recs  |  Comment 27 comments |

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+1

I never get sick of that video. Ever.

by Andrew Davidson on Jun 25, 2009 11:20 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

love that video too

he’s walking off the feild thinking he’s in that snickers commercial….IM BATMAN!

im gonna be all up on you like a spider monkey!

by remembering9ergods on Jun 25, 2009 11:23 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

He didn't think it was funny cuz he got knocked the F**k out!

Fans stuck in the 80's are lame. Respect the past, live in the now.

by maveric_87 on Jun 25, 2009 3:15 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

p.will

does not sleep. he waits.
p.will is the reason waldo is hiding.

-brad smith probably cant remember who p.will even is

by larryallenseawolf on Jun 25, 2009 10:21 AM PDT reply actions   1 recs

p.will is the reason waldo is hiding.

Brilliant !

by shovel-25 on Jun 25, 2009 11:41 AM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

I'm hiding from him too!

I’m in fear of using Willis on Madden thinking he will tackle me through the TV.

Fans stuck in the 80's are lame. Respect the past, live in the now.

by maveric_87 on Jun 25, 2009 2:15 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

players fake injuries just to avoid the Apocalypse on defense that is patrick willis

im gonna be all up on you like a spider monkey!

by remembering9ergods on Jun 25, 2009 11:21 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

patrick willis

CAN believe its not butter

Chuck Norris has only lost in one thing. 1 on 1 with Monta.

by theoloukos on Jun 25, 2009 12:15 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

patrick willis'

tears cure cancer…too bad he’s never cried

Chuck Norris has only lost in one thing. 1 on 1 with Monta.

by theoloukos on Jun 25, 2009 12:16 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

MC hammer had to learn the hard way....

that Patrick Willis CAN touch this

Chuck Norris has only lost in one thing. 1 on 1 with Monta.

by theoloukos on Jun 25, 2009 12:16 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

did you know

that Red Bull’s main ingredient is Patrick Willis urine?

and in his 4th season, VD broke through the wall, Niners fan rejoiced and all was well in the kingdom. Singletary 3:42

by 49erLou on Jun 25, 2009 1:21 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Willis wrote "THE BOOK", we just read it

Fans stuck in the 80's are lame. Respect the past, live in the now.

by maveric_87 on Jun 25, 2009 1:30 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Why this list is funny and the posters are not:

Because the person who wrote THIS list did it with Patrick Willis in mind and made them football related – and the posters who replied to it copied Chuck Norris Facts.

by mhedges on Jun 25, 2009 2:40 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Check it

On Patrick’s birthday every year, he picks one lucky child gets to get tackled into the sun!

"..." - unknown

by SetoThorMarChooSki on Jun 25, 2009 3:37 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

Patrick Willis doesn't have life insurance...

…life has Patrick Willis insurance.

Patrick Willis frequently donates blood to the Red Cross… just never his own.

I take full responsibility for my irresponsibility.

by these3words on Jun 25, 2009 4:39 PM PDT reply actions   2 recs

this made me lol
Patrick Willis frequently donates blood to the Red Cross… just never his own.

and in his 4th season, VD broke through the wall, Niners fan rejoiced and all was well in the kingdom. Singletary 3:42

by 49erLou on Jun 25, 2009 11:02 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

patrick willis cant go swimming because the water parts whenever he gets close

im gonna be all up on you like a spider monkey!

by remembering9ergods on Jun 26, 2009 7:33 AM PDT reply actions   0 recs

These simply lose the magic when they're applied to anyone other than Chuck Norris.

“Patrick Willis missing a tackle actually coincides with Halley’s Comet; it happens every 75 years. Thus, it will happen approximately 3 more times in Willis’ career.”

DeAngelo Williams disagrees.

"Part, fools!
Put up your swords. You know not what you do."

by Fearless Frog on Jun 26, 2009 4:05 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

dude just shut up and let us have some fun

and in his 4th season, VD broke through the wall, Niners fan rejoiced and all was well in the kingdom. Singletary 3:42

by 49erLou on Jun 26, 2009 7:12 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

Willis

That’s what you get when you’re drinking the….

by Fooch on Jun 26, 2009 11:15 PM PDT up reply actions   1 recs

That pic is priceless.

Well done.

"Part, fools!
Put up your swords. You know not what you do."

by Fearless Frog on Jun 27, 2009 3:55 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

thanks

It’s always one of my favorite graphics.

by Fooch on Jun 27, 2009 4:34 PM PDT up reply actions   0 recs

If you Google search “Patrick Willis missing a tackle” you will generate zero results. It just doesn’t happen.
  
Patrick Willis can drink an entire gallon of milk in thirty-seven seconds.
 

Patrick Willis doesn’t bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.
  
  
It takes Patrick Willis 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
 
 
The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda Square, until Patrick Willis hit one of the corners off.
  
There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Patrick Willis is in the U.S.

49ers and TOOL live, my personal Heaven!!!

by CW30 on Jun 26, 2009 6:50 PM PDT reply actions   0 recs

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