... or is time actually coming to a complete and utter standstill now that the NFL season is so close?  I think it was just last weekend on Saturday, July 18th (about 53 years ago) when I looked at the preseason schedule and thought "Oh boy! The NFL preseason starts in the second week of August.  That's soon!  Thank God it's finally almost here!

 Boy was I wrong.

 It was not soon, and it feels like we've got a couple more centuries to go before we even get to watch the Niners play their first preseason game, let alone the actual real season.

Seriously, I've been watching the clock the whole time I've been typing this and that stupid second hand hasn't even moved.  Move!  Tick just one second gaddamnit.

Would old father time please get a (expletive-deleted) move on??!!

Where's that universal remote that works on time that Adam Sandler didn't want to use anymore?  I'll fastforward to the beginning of August gladly and the consequences be damned.