Singletary goes nuts (transcript)

It has been brought to my attention that this transcript may or may not be genuine. Read at your own risk.

MIKE SINGLETARY POST-GAME NEWS CONFERENCE
Before you ask any questions, I want to say this: No. 1 is I apologize. Apologize for the start. I don't really...

It's like this: Today was horrible for me. It was good for me because sometimes you take a step back and you look at your offensive coordinator and you think, ‘Hey, you know what? This guy's pushing 90. How are we going to make it work? He doesn't even know what play action is... Heck I just learned what it was a few weeks ago. So we're going to go out there and it's going to change right now.'

But right now we've got to figure out the formula, our formula. Our formula is this: We go out--I mean we go 3 and out, No. 1.

No. 2, we're not a charity, the [site decorum] we look like? Toys for Tots? We cannot give them the game. That's No. 2. And No. 3 is we excrement - wait No. 2 is excrement. Ok switch those... No. 2 is we excrement, from the very start of the game to the very end of the game. That just did happen.

I do not apologize about... You know what? I'll go ahead and take some questions.

Q: No, you're going good.
SINGLETARY: No, no, you don't want me to go much further. Go ahead, ask your questions.

Q: What happened between you and Jimmy Raye?
SINGLETARY: Jimmy... It was something that I told everybody at the very beginning of the week. I would not tolerate touchdown drives, especially by throwing downfield.

And we cannot make... we cannot make decisions that cost the team. And then sit up in the coach's booth and take a nap. No. You know what? This is how I believe, OK? I'm from the old school, 85 Bears style.

I believe this: I would rather play without a quarterback, and get penalized all the way until we've got to do something else. Rather than play with Alex Smith when I know that right now that person is not able to throw a 3 yard touchdown to a wide open fullback. It is more about prune juice than it is about the team.

Cannot play with them. Cannot win with them. Cannot coach with them. Can't do it. I want dinner! I want somebody who knows how to cook!

Q: What did you tell Jimmy Raye before he left the box?
SINGLETARY: I told him that he would do a better job for us right now taking a sponge bath and coming back and watching the game than to call anymore plays. Simple as that.

Q: Is Jimmy Raye still your starting OC?
SINGLETARY: Well, we've got to think about that.

Q: Did Jimmy talk to you after the game?
SINGLETARY: He wanted to talk to me. I told him he did not want to talk to me. I said, ‘I assure you, you do not want to talk to me right now.'

Q: Did he argue with you?
SINGLETARY: He just kept saying, ‘Run! Run! Run! Punt'

Q: Who is your starting QB?
SINGLETARY: We've got to think about that, too.

Q: Was it your decision or Jimmy's to burn those 3 time outs in the first half?
SINGLETARY: It was my decision. And Jimmy's. And Mike Johnson's.

Q: Did Alex disagree with you about it?
SINGLETARY: Well, I think Alex knows me enough right to know that I want dinner.

Q: Was this Seahawks game an indication that this will be tougher than you thought?
SINGLETARY: I'll put it this way: If something like this is going to happen, happen now. And not on national television. We've got between now and that time, when we play New Orleans, to correct some things. And it's not so much the play, but it's more of a mindset.

And still having a chance to find out who wants dinner. Who really wants to eat. Sometimes you have guys that it's been so long that we've been starving for some pork chops or something that sometimes it's like a bad relationship. You don't know when it's going to turn again. And after a while, you become a part of the problem rather than the solution.

I want guys that are solution-oriented. Starting with...I'm not sure. I'm not going to try and make something work when it doesn't fit, or when our offense is the worst in the league. And that's really the bottom line to me.

Q: Can you explain your defense?
SINGLETARY: All of a sudden, boom, they come out and that old QB Hasselhoff or whatever, Lockdown bites hard on a route. WR torches him. It happens again. Quarterback sits comfortably in the pocket, touchdown.

You know what? We cannot play like that. I just talked to the player and he said, ‘Coach, I promise you, it'll never happen again.' I know that. But it happened today.

Q: Why did you go for it on that 4th-and-1 instead of trying the FG? That's when Alex threw the pick-six.
SINGLETARY: I turned to Jimmy and I said, ‘Jimmy, what do you think?' He said, ‘I'd like to run it up the middle.' Of course, I knew he'd say ‘I'd like to run it up the middle.' So he gave the play to Mike Johnson who then translated it into hieroglyphics and gave it to the gatorate runner on a stone slab.

I looked in his eyes, I said, ‘Let's go. Let's go out to dinner.' We've got these coordinators and they're doing a good job. Greg's over there, racking his brain trying to find the right calls on when to not blitz. Sometimes it's not the calls, it's the way it's executed like bad routes from your WR who didn't play preseason because he was listening to Madonna or whatever.

Jimmy Raye, I'm very blessed to have him as a coordinator. Guy that you can turn to, been there, done that. And when he tells me, ‘Mike, I want to run it up the gut.' Sometimes I might say no. Just kidding. I say yes everytime. But at that time I felt, you know what? I want to support what he feels. Let's go.

Q: Seemed like you were really unprepared as a coaching staff, agree?
SINGLETARY: It was just a matter... if you would break down the film, you'd see that... We're going to be somewhat of a paradox for a little bit until we figure it out.

Q: What was your message to the team after the game?
SINGLETARY: I'm going to say this about that: I've always been a firm believer... it's nothing like it was anything magical or anything. In all honesty, you probably do not want to hear it.

It was just sharing my heart with them. When I was a little boy I always wanted a pony. It's as simple as that. I just believe that things we talk about in the locker room should stay there.

I'm just going to apologize and just ask you guys... Just keep watching. That's all I can tell you. And we'll go from there. Thank you very much.