(Disclaimer, this post is not meant to be taken seriously.)
When you read the title of this fanpost, you might have thought this would be a comedy article. Given my recent fanpost about Mount Lombard and The Incredibles, I would not blame you for this assumption. However, if you were to think this, you would be very, very wrong. Read on for details I am almost too ashamed to write.
I've been a 49ers fan most of my life, although I do confess a short ride on the Titans bandwagon when I was younger. I distinctly remember the Titans losing to the Rams in the Super Bowl despite a miraculous end of the game drive in which Steve Mcnair completed a pass that came up a yard short of the end zone on the last play of regulation. The rest of my family was rooting for the Rams, and when they won it broke my heart. Ironically, I was rooting against Kurt Warner back then, and I ended up with the opportunity to continue to root against him when he joined the Cardinals.
My earliest 49er memory is pretty dim. My siblings told me about a Steve Young QB run of some sort. I grabbed a football and went right out into my backyard and tried to imitate it. When I got a little older, the Terrell Owens era started. I still remember T.O. celebrating on the star at the Cowboys Stadium. At the time, he was one of my favorite players. Naturally, I wanted his jersey, so I saved my allowance and bought a cheap youth no 81 Terrell Owens jersey. At the time I was very proud. I wore this jersey everywhere, especially when I was playing football with my older brother (who had a J.J. Stokes jersey). However, shortly afterwards, T.O. had his little spat with management and was shipped of to the Eagles. Of course I was pretty upset, especially as the Niners only went downhill from there. Losing season after losing season, all new receivers wearing number 81 being busts, not even a true legitimate number 1. Of course I accepted the media's perspective, and didn't think of it having anything to do with me. However, I never got around to buying another player's jersey after that...until this year.
I was in Target the other day, right across the street from the store where I had bought my T.O. jersey all those years before. (Curiously enough, the store that sold me that jersey went downhill afterwards, and it is now out of business.) I was clothes shopping when I found a bunch of cheap Crabtree and Davis jerseys in the...in the underwear section. (Perhaps this placement had something to do with the famous Singletary pants-on-the-ground moment?) Anyway, they didn't cost a lot, they looked pretty good to me, and I thought what the heck, I might as well. After all, the 49ers were my favorite team, Crabtree and Davis both seemed to be legitimate studs, and both players were going to be around for a while. So, after much deliberation, I bought a Michael Crabtree jersey. I had fallen in love with his play during his rookie season, as he finally seemed to be filling the role of stud receiver that had been vacant for so long. He had strong hands, got open well, wasn't a diva, and he made plays. I couldn't see anything that might change that. Man was I wrong....
I proudly wore my jersey around for a couple of weeks. I was slightly disappointed that Crabtree proceeded to sit out all pre-season, but I thought he'd be fine given what he did last year. Yet more and more little things went wrong. First it was the neck strain, then it was the practice field spat between him and Vernon Davis (both the players whose jerseys I was deciding between!). It was at this time that I started to get nervous, and when he got on the field against the Seahawks those fears were confirmed. He came out and stunk it up, causing two crucial interceptions. Coincidentally, Vernon Davis didn't do much better (including the total disappearance of his famous touchdown scoring pass play from last season.) I was as upset as the next fan, but it didn't strike me until a couple of days later. I, Riding The F Train, had cursed Michael Crabtree! There was no T.O. curse, only mine.
Now you know why I have written every word of this story with the utmost shame and contempt of my own idiocy. It seems to me that it is clear what I must do. I must end this curse, end these days of shame for a once glorious organization. I ask for you help in deciding how best to do this. First I must try to find my old no 81 jersey. Dependent on that, I must choose one of the options in the following poll. Vote for which option you think stands the best chance of ending this....nightmare.
(Fortunately, I do know I eventually end the curse, I just don't know how. We also go on to beat the Saints! I can't wait to see that! Wait, didn't our writer from the future tell you about this yet? Well, you'll see in a few days anyway!)
How Can I End The Curse?
Burn Both Jerseys (16 votes)
Buy Crabtree A Smoothie King ala VD (9 votes)
Take Care Of All 1000 Pairs of Crabtree's Shoes For The Rest Of The Season (3 votes)
Wear A Heyward-Bey Jersey For A Month As Penance (23 votes)
All Of The Above (12 votes)
Other (Specify In Comments) (2 votes)
65 total votes