What's up Niners Nation. Im a die hard niners fan, long time lurker, and 1st time poster. I was assigned "A Speech to Entertain" topic in my speech class, shortly thereafter I choose to do a satirical eulogy on the 2010 Niners. This is not meant to be a "Beating a Dead Horse" post, just merely for your entertainment.
*Contains minor vulgarity, please bring a sense of humor before reading
First of all I would like thank the 2010 San Francisco 49ers for that clusterf*** of a year. Congratulations guys you took dysfunctional suckage to a whole new level, right on up there with Jersey Shore and Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Also thank you for contributing to the deaths to 2 of my remotes, rest in pieces you’ll be missed my friends, i'll somberly pour out some liquor for you guys. It was really a team effort, but I’ve singled out 3 major factors to this abysmal season.
First and foremost thank you to the fan base's favorite piñata, Alex Smith. Alex, alex, alex where to begin, you have disgraced us with your presence for 6 eye gouging years. I'll always remember that performance in week 5 against the Eagles when the crowd chanted and clamored for David Carr. Witnessing that proved my theory of "Alextivity"; in which watching your play actually devolves the human brain and makes all of us stupider, because anybody with half a brain cell knows a crippled monkey can throw better than David Carr. Im sorry Alex not even a player of your ineptitude deserved that. For some reason you are the Jason Voorhees of the 49ers, every time I think your future with the team is dead you just come back to life. Thanks for the memories Alex, I'll miss you like the passes you threw over our receivers heads.
Next I would like to thank the terrible twosome of Mike "Trouser Dropping" Singletary and Jimmy "The Fossil" Raye. Thank you Mike and Jimmy for giving our offense the creativity and lethality of paint drying. It takes serious talent Mr. Raye to craft a playbook out of hieroglyphics. Furthermore only a magician of Mike Singletary's caliber could mismanage a game with such idiocy. We should of known from the get go that any game plan that spelled physical with an F was destined to be doomed. Thanks for the memories guys, witnessing the both of you getting fired brought unimaginable joy to my life.
Last but certainly not least I would like to thank the St. Louis Rams. Thank you Rams for putting us out of our misery in week 16. I question the Rams part in your name because to me you were merciful, merciful angels. Delivering us from being humiliated in the playoffs and single handedly morphing our draft pick from 21st to 7th. But most importantly you spared us from potentially another year with Singletary as head coach. So once again thank you Rams. I have so much more rage left to spew out, but I'm going to have to end it on that note if I want to preserve a healthy blood pressure and the hairs on my head.
In closing I would like to give the middle finger salute to the 2010 season. Please NFL let there be a 2011 season, I have a premonition that this could be the year we end our dry spell and pop that playoff cherry. All in all Red&Gold Tide baby! Suck it Alabama. "In Harbaugh I Trust!"