After a couple days of absence, the Niners Nation NFL Tournament of Badness is back, and we're now through the entirety of the opening round. Round two begins as we get closer to the absolute worst thing in the National Football League. We had some upsets in round one, but the seeding was more of a loose definition at any rate. The right of the bracket was hemorrhaging top seeds like nobody's business. We've got three of the four number one seeds remaining, and today, we've got potentially the strongest one (in my opinion) up against a deceptively strong number-nine seed. "Dallas Cowboys Being 'America's Team'" is up against "Rookie Holdouts."
So make the jump to read the descriptions of the participants for today, read full results from the opening round of the bracket, view the entire bracket. But first: remember, we are voting on what we believe to be the absolute worst thing of the two. If you're voting in a worst food contest, and you like pizza more than hamburgers, you would then vote for hamburgers in that matchup. Get it? Got it? Good. Make the jump.
(1) Cowboys Being "America's Team"
We all hate the Dallas Cowboys to their very core. If you don't, I vote that you be banned on the spot. And when I say "vote" I mean "I'm going to ban you on the spot." In all actuality, even if you didn't hate them, you should really hate that they go around calling themselves "America's Team." I live in America and I (mostly) love this country, and they're not my team. They don't extol the virtues of being an American, nor do they represent anything about America to any degree. A blue and silver star is American? No, no ... that's not true at all. London Niner is better at being American than the Cowboys are.
(9) Rookie Holdouts
In a perfect world, we'd get similar results for everything on every blog, including blogs not about our San Francisco 49ers. I do know that this is impossible, and we're all pretty biased. However, I think the superfluous holdout of Michael Crabtree actually is a good thing in this case, because we know how bad this truly is, so it's not really "bias" so much as being "informed." Rookie holdouts are silly because they usually want more money because they think they deserve it, even though they have not done anything in the National Football League.
Day 32: Score, Commercial, Kickoff, Commercial def. Wins Being A Quarterback Stat - 151-52
Day 31: Under .500 Teams Making The Playoffs/Hosting def. Super Bowl Circus Week - 121-100
Day 30: Divas def. Kinda/Sorta Sudden Death Overtime - 155-100
Day 29: The Brady Six def. The New Schedule of the NFL Draft - 159-96
Day 28: Joe Buck def. New England Cheatriots - 187-165
Day 27: Racial Profiling a Player's Skillset def. Name Value MVPs - 122-102
Day 26: Undeserving Pro Bowlers def. Peter King - 182-66
Day 25: The Brady Rule def. Expensive Beer - 196-105
Day 24: Pro Bowl Being A Total Joke def. New Cowboys Stadium - 251-108
Day 23: The Tuck Rule def. God Cares Way Too Much About Football - 157-136
Day 22: New Kickoff Rule def. The Dancing Robot on FOX - 240-152
Day 21: Al Davis Drafting Like He's Being Advised By Ricky Bobby def. Matt Millen - 186-128
Day 20: Less Cheerleaders def. Joe Theismann - 182-139
Day 19: Tanking The Season To Draft Andrew Luck def. Need To Look At The Film - 152-119
Day 18: Players Doing Stupid Things def. Rashard Mendenhall's Twitter Account - 129-55
Day 17: Player 'X' Being A Bust After One Season def. Player 'X Is A Beast - 209-39
Day 16: Cortland Finnegan def. Frank Gore's Love For Moran Norris - 191-145
Day 15: NFL's Exclusive License With EA def. Super Bowl Halftime Shows - 161-139
Day 14: Players Celebrating When Down Big def. Being A "Poor Man's" Something - 244-35
Day 13: TV Blackouts def Player 'X' Always Being Wide Open - 253-43
Day 12: Garth DeFelice def. Donovan McNabb And Overtime Rules - 207-48
Day 11: Daniel Snyder def. Rex Ryan's Foot Fetish - 126-76
Day 10: Fans That Take It Too Far def Franchise Tag - 231-42
Day 9: Brett Favre's Media Whoring def. New AFC and NFC Championship Trophies - 293-39
Day 8: Player 'X' Is A Football Player def. Player 'X' Is A Future Hall Of Famer - 194-96
Day 7: Chris Berman's Mannerisms def. The Many Faces of Philip Rivers - 188-185
Day 6: Prevent Defense def. Wildcat Formation - 296-65
Day 5: Twitter Beefs def Madden Curse - 125-108
Day 4: New Referee Rule Limiting No Huddle def. Icing The Kicker - 180-116
Day 3: Seahawks Alternates def. Buccaneers Loser Uniforms - 328-118
Day 2: Rookie Holdouts def. Week 16, 17 Byes - 266-65
Day 1: "America's Team" def. "New York FOOTBALL Giants" - 428-40