I took a couple days off for this Tournament of Badness, but we're back. In the last match, "Score, Commercial, Kickoff, Commercial" dispatched The Brady Rule rather handily, and advanced to the final four. I picked the former to win the whole tournament and I stand by that prediction. In the end, I feel like it will be the last one standing, bloodied and battered, resplendent in a sick and twisted splendor. It will be a hideous, writhing mass the likes of which hasn't been seen since Snooki from the Jersey Shore washed up on uh ... the Jersey shores. But we'll be unable to look away from whatever happens to be the worst thing in the National Football League.
We're at the final four, and the only number one seeds remaining are set to do battle today as "Dallas Cowboys Being Referred To As America's Team" is taking on "Brett Favre's Media Whoring." I figured these two would end up meeting at this point, and here they are. Both are equally offensive to 49ers fans so I don't see any bias one way or the other, this is just straight-up one-on-one badness. A lot of it.
This is a tournament of badness and as such, you need to be voting for the absolute worst of the two in any given matchup. I don't think I need to be saying it at this point, but just so there isn't any confusion ... I know that people have been confused by ballots and instructions before. Vote for which one you think is more awful than the other, so in the end, we can truly have the worst thing in the NFL. Jump for a description of the two entrants in today's matchup and a look at the rest of the elite eight.
(1) Cowboys Being Referred To As "America's Team"
Very few things in the National Football League incite as much anger, malice and downright disgust in San Francisco 49ers fans than the very mention of the Dallas Cowboys. It's a reciprocating relationship, mostly because the two titans of football did battle for many years and robbed each other of more than one Lombardi Trophy. I saw a Cowboys fan get dropkicked at Candlestick Park. During a St. Louis Rams game.
They've an owner full of himself, a team full of themselves and a fanbase to go with it all. At one point, somebody started referring to them as "America's Team." I'm sure I could look it up and see who exactly started it, but it's really inconsequential to the point: that people use it still. The fans think it's true and the team thinks it's true. They really enjoy being called "America's Team", when in reality, the majority of America hates them. Ask a random person on the street if they hate the Dallas Cowboys, chances are the response will need to utilize [site decorum].
There is no reason for this moniker, and no excuse for using it. If you use it, please never return to Niners Nation again and maybe even set yourself on fire. Thank you.
(1) Brett Favre's Media Whoring
I wanted to start this off by saying "I can't believe that Brett Favre is actually taking us once more (or perhaps more than once, Favre is our future 2012) 'round the track," but I really can. I totally believe that it's happening and didn't think it was a joke (well, it is a joke, but you get what I mean) for one second when I heard. He's actually considering coming back for another season, or at least he wants us to think that. Or maybe he has nothing to do with any of these rumors and it's people close to him that are now collectively trolling the NFL and its fans.
Only one thing is clear: we are dealing with a master troll, be it Favre or his entourage.
Ah, who am I kidding? Of course it's Favre ... it's always been Favre. He loves the spotlight more than Terrell Owens loves Terrell Owens. Brett Favre loves the spotlight more than Matt Hasselbeck loves hernias. He loves the spotlight more than JaMarcus Russell loves the syzurp. He loves the spotlight more than manraj7 loves posting cat pictures.
Well ... maybe not that much.
I just don't know what else to say about how ridiculously idiotic this man's career has been in the later years. He's going to keep trying until somebody puts him in a wheelchair, and I'm seriously considering doing it myself at this point. Sigh ... I don't even know at this point. He's a great player, or at least he was ... Hall of Famer? Sure. But after twenty years, he sort of lost his sheen, so he had to start taking pictures of his genitals. And now in every Wrangler Jeans commercial he does, every middle-aged woman on the planet is thinking about his Danny Woodhead, for some reason.
I absolutely guarantee there will be more and more and more TV hours devoted to that man this offseason. Somebody else will bring him up. I guarantee it. And I will weep.
(1) Cowboys Being Referred To As "America's Team" versus Brett Favre's Media Whoring
(12) Tanking The Season To Draft Andrew Luck versus (2) Score, Commercial, Kickoff, Commercial