I'm going to do a little math here that might change your lives.
- Joe Montana's jersey number: 16
- Dan Marino's jersey number: 13
- 16 - 13 = 3
- Super Bowls that included Joe Montana: 4
- Super Bowls that included Dan Marino: 1
- 4 - 1 = 3
And as you may be well aware, 3 is equal to 3. Isn't that freaky? Sometimes I regret that I went into the arts in college. I really missed my calling as a statistician.
And now that I've successfully stolen 45 seconds from your lives--and you'll never get those back, you know? I just hoard them. When I die, there will be millions of seconds, packed together in 45-second blocks, hidden under my bed. And my bed will be in a cave in the countryside, and I will be called Wyrm, and I will decorate my cave walls with the bones of the heroes who come to make me their game--let's get down to business.
The name of the game is funny captions. Well, that's the name of your game. The name of my game is stealing seconds. In any case, give us the funniest caption for this photo, as voted on by your peers, and I'll mention you in next week's column. For example:
After years of retirement, Dan Marino struggles to replicate his Hall of Fame finger-licking technique.
A good followup may include Joe Montana, or perhaps that Jack-Black-looking guy in the corner. But I won't steal too much of your thunder. Remember, when you see a caption you like, rec' it. Last week, Pat Willie and Bigmouth tied for the rec' lead. And because I failed to mention it last week, a dashing chap who goes by howtheyscored got the nod the week before that.