A certain amount of prestige is necessary before one can wear, what is known in some circles, as the silk crown. One must work hard, put forth a massive amount of dedication and earn the respect of his peers prior to recklessly adorning that which displays his intelligence and worthwhile. Honor, bravado, panache and a certain thing some call chutzpah are mandatory prerequisites before carrying such a heavy burden around your neck.
What the hell am I talking about? Bow-ties. Yes, you heard me right. Bow-ties.
Only certain individuals can rock the bow-tie with the proper respect. If a man prematurely puts on a bow-tie before properly earning the necessary respect, he looks no better than Doink the Clown. He is a fool, a TMZ side-note, barely worthy of Colin Cowherd's abuse during the last 30 seconds of SportsNation (degrading enough as that may be). However, if you are worthy of the bow, the outside world looks upon you with a new-found respect. The laymen remembers your name, the casual fan affirms your decision, and the devotee confirms your selection - you are the (site decorum)ing man, and no one can tell you otherwise.
Why do I bring this up at this point in time? Because, to this point in time, no one currently on the 49ers staff is seen as "the bow-tie guy" (at least in my eyes). One of the most well-known NFL bow-tie-ers is Dhani Jones. Not a Hall of Famer by any stretch, but someone with the right stuff - good skill combined with an ear (and a mouth) for the popular media. Tonight, I witnessed Hugh Douglas on ESPN's NFL Live wearing a bow-tie and thought to myself; does he really deserve the bow-tie, or did he just think he would look fly on national TV with a butterfly strapped to his neck?
So, since I can't come up with a better answer myself, and I like to think about these silly things prior to real football (and before September 11th, nothing is real football to me) I want to pose this question to you...
Who, currently on the San Francisco 49ers staff, is worthy of rocking the bow-tie? Who has the proper on-field credentials, combined with the off-field charisma, to pull off this near fashion faux-pas, and look as cool as Shaft while doing it?
Thanks NN, I know you will help me solve this conundrum keeping me up so late at night...