A Modest Proposal: Keys for a Saints Victory Today

It is a melancholy object to those who surf through this great internet or peruse on the world wide web, when they see the websites, the blogs, and online newspapers, crowded with articles of the 49ers bias, followed by three, four, or six Op-Ed pieces, all in their favor and importuning every reader for a 49er victory.

As you may or may not know, the 49ers and Saints are playing a game later today of some small importance. I say that you may know because the media has increased its coverage of the 49ers slightly in recent days. Also because the 49ers are in the playoffs.

The recent articles have explicitly predicted a 49ers win. 100%. I mean literally every article is putting forward the not-so-daring thesis that the 49ers will win.

And they should: there are numerous compelling reasons why the 49ers will win. First, the Saints, who are just okay at home, have to play on the road. Not so daunting - except that Candlestick is made out of lava and only those who don't step on cracks on the way to the stadium can safely navigate it.

If the Saints play on the road, and on grass, while it's a Saturday after a Friday the 13^th, and the game starts at 1:30 pm with a game time temperature in the 60s, and 17 ponies have shared some kisses in a game of spin the stirrup, then the Saints only score 27 points a game. The Niners, at home, score 28 points a game.

Moreover, the 49ers are just so safe with the ball. Alex Smith, while he is a horrible quarterback and will always be a horrible quarterback not matter what, does drink a magic potion brewed by the wizard, Jim Harbaugh, that turns him into the anti-interception QB. That's hard to play against.

This play is complimented by a ground game spearheaded by Kendall Hunter and Anthony Dixon. I think there might be another guy on the team, but I can't remember for sure. Either way, they're good.

Finally, their defense and special teams units are the best in the league. All 11 starters on the defense are having career years. All 11 also happen to share the same last name: "Smith." That's some serious solidarity.

So, what are some of the keys for unlocking this game? I mean, how can the Saints even expect to win today?

Step 1: Establish a run game. Even though the 49ers defense have a historically unprecedented rush defense, it will be vital for the Saints to establish some sort of running threat. Because the Saints have no true #1 back, and instead have a stable of 77 active RBs on gameday, it will be difficult. They need to do it, however, so as to

Step 2: open up the passing game. The 49ers' ability to rush four and drop seven is so damning for an opponents' pass game. This may not seem like a big priority for the Saints', seeing as they have an above average QB, but the Saints' need to jump out to a quick and manageable lead because otherwise they will need to

Step 3: shore up their really bad defense. It's bad. I'm glad that the media has been reporting it so much, because defense is a big part of the game - like a vital part.

Finally, Step 4: Win. If they want to win, the Saints should score more points than the 49ers. Complicated, I know, but they should really think about it.

My prediction: 49ers 28 - Saints 3. I believe this with all my heart and 100%. I will never ever doubt this prediction because I so firmly believe it with an unparalleled vigor in my soul. With the firmness of a rock and an island (because I am a rock / I am an island) will I never ever waver from this prediction.

I am so glad that I am not the only one in the media who is questioning the Saints' weaknesses. I only hope that it doesn't seem like I am handing the 49ers the victory before the game is ever played. That would be a serious infraction.