FanPost

Where would I take LaMichael James if he spent the day with me?

Funny that I chose LaMichael James for this story line considering he has not even seen the field as a deactivated player all season long, but he is soon to be activated, so it was time for me to pull this story idea out of the hat (note I chose the word "hat" instead of helmet because I didn't want the helmet to start talking to me all of a sudden, giving me a playcall- that would automatically activate James and he would run over me with his still untied cleats)..

The first place I would take James is to my father's grave so I can gain his full respect but I have a full plan in place for the kind of respect I want to command so he would twist the New Orleans Saint Vilma's ankle when I want him to.

After the sobering visit to the cemetary in Santa Clara with James looking at me with awe, as I tell him my biological father was a champion boxer for the Navy, I told him to summon him anytime to discuss how to sucker punch that idiot Vilma, and that we must believe in ourselves if we have a dream and that my father achieved his dream - to serve in the Navy, have a booth for all the ladies who wanted to see how he knocked out every Navy man and to solicit his dating services, and to run for the congress (my father did, for the 14th congressional seat which he lost).

With LaMichael James pondering my next move, his head threw back when I gassed his Porsche (he is a rookie and not up to Lamborghini standards yet) and I gunned to Great America, real close to the 49ers headquarters, and cut in front of the line with rookie-faced James dragging him on the rollercoaster ride called "The Demon," and brought him to the front seat of the rollercoaster. James asked me, "why does a fan want to bring me on a rollercoaster ride?" while at the same time I held up a finger to silence his lips.

Shrugging his shoulders, he played along with me and closes his eyes while the rollercoaster slowly climbs up the tracks which goes straight up then dives straight down with several long loops, a ride he was sort of dreading. He wondered, "is that what I get for granting a fan a "make-a-wish-come-true-day-with-a-49er" ticket?" He was going to look like a wimp instead of those crazed-eyed running backs who runs like a doberman who had its' leash taken off.

The next thing James knew was the rollercoasters' trajectory was so fast that the gravity pulled back his facial skin, revealing his skull bones, which looked like something straight out of an Indiana Jones adventure.

While James gasped for breath, scared out of his wits, I proceeded to tell him, "I brought you here to prove a point to you."

Fully stable by now, James asks me, "a ride on 'the demon' to prove a point?"

I replied to him, "the speed of the game is much faster in the NFL," and that he needed to shift gears to fool the linebackers who have the sprinters' speed. "People tell me you are a very shifty runner. Use that talent to play faster than the defenders."

Nodding his head, James marvelled to himself how I was demonstrating to him how he needed to be prepared for the faster game that is in the NFL, thinking, "now I get it, here is a real cool dude who can really show me."

I also told him he "needed to dilate time so he can reach the end zone before the secondary can even get there," and he gives me the one-eyed look and asks me "are you talking about time travelling?"

Pausing, (there goes the dilated time again), I told him "yes, so that way you could have a touchdown everytime you touch the ball, because you could time travel to make sure the ending always ends the same way - with you dancing in the end zone, teammates mobbing you."

James is thinking, "I love this fan already and am so ready to give him the keys to my Porsche."

Wait a minute James! Wait a minute!

I just need him to take me on a racetrack first, before he does.

Because he would take me to the future on the time traveller, and that would be an era when there is a "Superior NFL Elite League" where players are three times faster than today's NFL players and that Porsche of his would not even be sufficient for it.

Because, I'd need the keys to a Lamborghini, which he doesn't have since he is still on a rookies' salary.

I guess James got the last laugh, on this special "fan day" with him.

At least, despite his last laugh, I gained his full respect and admiration, for teaching him what speed is truly about.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors.

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