10. Trent and Paraage made me do it!
9. There were signs. That’s all I’m going to say. I’m not going to get into my schemes with you. I’ve said enough. I’m not going to give you an advantage. I’m not going to do your job and write your story for you.
8. Ah, I’m basically a fork tongued sob who couldn’t give a rat’s tail about fans or anyone else. You can psychoanalyze me as much as you want and say my mommy didn’t hug me when I was growing up. Truth is, she did and I slapped her a bit to tell her to knock it off. Was it risky? Sure. But there were rewards too. But I now channel those issues out on people who I control, and the media.
7. I started reading the SB Niner Nation blog recently. The more I read it, the more I started to see the light. It couldn’t be that soooo many bloggers could see it so much clearer than me that the real reason why we lost four games last year and two more this year was Alex Smith! I wish I could remember their names now so I could thank them individually.
6. Call me names if you want but Alex is a Pro Bowl quarterback. There is no QB controversy here. It’s just that after seeing Colin play for eight possessions against the Bears, I knew he gave us a better chance to win than my Pro Bowler guy Alex and his 20 wins in his last 26 games. Accuracy is great, for sure, 18 out of 19 and all. But come on! Did you see Colin play in those eight possessions?! Darn near looked like Peyton freacking Manning. Not that I want to compare the two. I don’t want to slight Peyton in any way.
5. Last year, the media made a big deal of my post game handshake with Jim Schwartz. I got ticked off because it put the focus on me and not the players. I found out I actually like the focus on me! So, now when here comes Alex "look, 18 for 19 completions, it’s no big deal, don’t ask the NFL to count it as a record, okay?" getting all the attention, I thought: man he’s taking away my limelight! How can I bring it back to MEEEEEEEEEEE!? The answer was easy: Colin.
4. Alex didn’t knock. He came into my office at 4949 the other day and caught me stroking my, uh, ego. I was embarrassed and surprised and shouted, "who’s got it better than us?" He just stood there and said, "yeah, for sure, that’s a good question, um" and took a picture of me with his iPhone.
3. I once punched Jim Kelly for questioning my manhood. I’m a competitor. I love being challenged. Alex just comes in early, leaves late, doesn’t make waves, doesn’t really seek adversity and lets things roll off his back. Man that ticks me off! I want to throw a baseball at him like I Kapped that little girl in little league!
2. I liked moving from town to town when I was a kid. The longer I stayed in a place, the less friends I had. By the time my dad said, "we’re moving again", I’d be ready because I had no friends left. Alex was my friend; he was my guy, now he is one of our guys. Come April he will be somewhere else and be someone else’s guy. That’s my M.O. What’s your deal?
1. As you know, I recently had a minor medical procedure done. My doctor told me I should take it easy on my heart and make this my last year as a Head Coach. I channeled Lombardi, Walsh and my dad and listened. Nothing. I tried to reach Nancy Reagan’s psychic but, no answer. Then, with my heart rate fluttering like an Indy race car, I asked my mirror: "mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s going to give me one more percent to win that Super Bowl for me regardless of it all?" My mirror answered "Alex". But what the heck does it know?! So I did it, I went with Colin. Brilliant! Who said that? I did? Ok, then I guess I said it then.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors.