I got nothing. That's how I feel lately, how I've felt. That's why you haven't seen me posting, commenting, on twitter, etc. I feel spent, unmotivated, hurt...it's like a break-up from a chick-flick.

Don't ask me why, hell the team won 14 games this year, the same number as the previous two seasons COMBINED! I shouldn't feel this way. There's hope for the future. We got Harbaugh. We got close...I'm still in one of those early stages...not denial...anyone a psychologist?

Maybe it was easier when we sucked. Maybe deep down we always knew we didn't have a shot, so once the usual season ended in late December or the first few days in January we were somehow relieved. We had the future to look forward to, because let's be honest: when you're down...there's only one place to look and that's up.

Well now we're damn-near on the top of the mountain. We got 50 feet from the summit of Everest and succumbed to Mother Nature. They drug us back down the hill and now there's 28,085 feet that we've already climbed...lingering in our heads. There's only the last 50 to look up to. But we know how hard it was to get that far.

That's where I'm at, where I've been. Maybe you've been here too, only in your own dimension of sorts...I haven't seen you. Truth be told, I've stayed far away from everything in the sports world since that night...okay, maybe a few days afterwards I tried to pull it together, but I couldn't.

I guess this post is the first step. I'm at the base of Everest, looking up. I see there's two other guys up there near the summit, so I'll go back in my tent for a minute and wait until the pomp and such are through...then I'll emerge. But not before I do some research, reading, data, evaluation, planning.

Back to the lab, that's where it starts even though I don't even want to start at all. Someone help me get back in the lab. Someone help me...