Tampa Bay Buccaneers Hire Jimmy Raye As Senior Offensive Assistant

It was announced today that the Buccaneers have hired former 49ers Offensive (literally) Coordinator Jimmy Raye as a "Senior Offensive Assistant". Apparently they need an old guy to sit in the booth and yell, "Run it up the gut!" periodically throughout the game.

Early predictions have LeGarrette Blount penciled-in for 700 carries this season, averaging a projected 1.9 yards per carry. Screen passes and sweeps will be ceremoniously torn from the playbook and burned while Raye sings a traditional song worshipping the gods of mud and grass.

Raye will reportedly ask Blount to change his name to "Gore" and wear the number 21, so Raye can find him on the field and/or sideline.

Josh Freeman, who seems skittish about the move, will need a few healthy backups as he'll likely be unprotected and throwing the ball to God-knows-where, whenever a pass play is eventually called (via stuffing a tube-sock into Raye's mouth). Look for Freeman to have career lows in the following categories: all except for hand-offs.

It has also been reported that "Dadgum Yahoo" is on it's way to Tampa Bay, much to the shagrin of Raye. You'll remember it was Yahoo that reported dissention in the 49ers locker room, much of which was centered around the archaic play-calling on offense. At that time the 49ers had once run the ball 37 straight times in a single game, while trailing by 10 points.

The following has been fabricated from the finest yarn, yarn being, you know...a story, a fiction of sorts. Any resemblance to the truth is strictly coincedental, except it'll probably be pretty damn accurate by the time this whole thing is said and done.

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