2012 NFL Season: Week 3

Ron Chenoy-US PRESSWIRE - Presswire

A recap of the games played in week 3 of the NFL

Well, it may have come several years too late but last night the Seahawks got to know how it felt to have a game given to them instead of having one taken away. Of course this was just a regular season game and not the Super Bowl so they may not feel like the ledger has been evened but beggars can't be choosers.

You knew it would only be a matter of time before the replacement officials cost a team the win. I'm sure there's some Seahawk homer out there wearing their lime green colored glasses arguing that the officials made the right call, but then a lot of people thought David Koresh was a prophet and where are they now? Funny how religious and sports fanaticism seem so similar.

Of course it wouldn't even have mattered what the call was if Golden Tate's offensive pass interference penalty had been called. I know they said those penalties are rarely called on desperation plays but when the receiver grabs the defender, shoves his face on the ground, does an Irish jig on the back of his head, and then turns around just in time to put his pinky on the ball for a TD catch, you know something doesn't smell right. Wait, that's actually me that doesn't smell right after my two days worth of binge drinking and general lack of concern for bodily hygiene, while my Alabama 3 album collection plays on a continuous loop. Sweet pretty country blues acid house music all night long!

Packers 12, Seahawks 14

Everyone will talk about the officiating when it comes to this game and that the Packers got robbed (I wonder how long it will be before we start hearing jokes about them getting screwed with the word "Packer" being used to mean something else), but the concern for the Packers should be how horrible their offense has looked. Aaron Rodgers was sacked 8 times, Cedric Benson managed only 45 yards on 17 carries (a 2.6 yard average), and they were held to only 2 field goals until finally getting into the end zone with just over 8 minutes left in the game. Through 3 games the high flying Packers offense of last year has looked more like the Jaguars except the Jags have a better running game. But after the game all anyone could talk about on the Twitterverse was the call. Troy Aikman said, "These games are a joke," LeBron James tweeted, "I'm sick like I just played for the Packers," and Wisconsin State Senator Jon Erpenbach (who?) tweeted that if the lockout wasn't ended "this season will be a joke." Maybe for the rest of the season if a team loses because of an official they can just say, "We got Packered." It's great because it works on multiple levels.

Giants 36, Panthers 7

The Giants were missing Hakeem Nicks and Ahmad Bradshaw but it didn't seem to slow them down. Eli Manning threw for 288 yards and a TD, Andre Brown (cut by 5 teams) rushed for 113 yards and 2 touchdowns, and Ramses Barden who had only 16 career receptions coming in caught 9 passes for 138 yards. The Giants so thoroughly dominated the Panthers that even David Carr and Derek Anderson got a chance to remind fans they're still hanging around the NFL. "They came in and slapped us around and dragged us to the ground a little bit," Panthers coach Ron Rivera said. It might be more accurate to say they gave you an atomic wedgie and threw you in the garbage.

Buccaneers 10, Cowboys 16

It wasn't pretty but after getting slapped around by the Seahawks last week the Cowboys will take the wins any way they can get them. The Cowboys turned the ball over 3 times, managed only 38 yards on the ground and watched Tony Romo get sacked 4 times, but their defense forced 2 turnovers of their own, limiting the Bucs to only 166 total yards and 10 points. Bucs quarterback Josh Freeman looked particularly inept managing to complete just 6 of his 20 passes for 39 yards before completing 4 of 8 throws for 71 yards in their last drive to make his numbers look only really bad instead of unbelievably god-awful. And in case you missed it, yes Schiano had his players rush hard on the Cowboys victory formation and even called a timeout so they could do it again even though players were already on the field shaking hands. Someone should probably tell him their not playing against Philip Rivers.

Lions 41, Titans 44

The Titans became the first team to ever score 5 touchdowns of 60 yards or more, blew a 20-9 halftime lead, knocked Matthew Stafford out of the game, gave up a 46-yard Shaun Hill hail marry TD to send the game to overtime, were awarded 27 yards on a personal foul thanks to the directionally challenged officials, and won on a game ending FG. But at least one thing was normal about this game. Chris Johnson is still single handedly destroying fantasy teams everywhere, managing only 24 yards on 14 carries. For those keeping track at home he now has 33 carries for 45 yards and no touchdowns for the season. That's about how many yards Jamaal Charles was averaging per carry in his game.

Chiefs 27, Saints 24

Speaking of Jamaal Charles (that's called a segue) he scored on a 91-yard TD run to cut the Saints lead to 24-13, and generally made the Saints defense look silly (not that hard these days) as he racked up 233 rushing yards and led the Chiefs to their first victory of the season. The Saints have now already lost as many games this year as they did all of last year. Can Sean Peyton win coach of the year because his team his so horrific without him?

Rams 6, Bears 23

Ho hum. Jay Cutler looked bad (17 of 31, 183 yards, 0 TD, 1 interceptions), the Bears defense looked great (2 turnovers, 6 sacks, 45-yard interception returned for a TD), and Sam Bradford looked like he wanted to be anywhere other than where he was (18 of 35, 152 yards, 0 TD, 2 interceptions). I actually wrote that line before the start of the game and just inserted the stats in parentheses.

Eagles 6, Cardinals 27

All hail Kevin Kolb, the new savior of the Cardinals! He replaced the old savior of the Cardinals John Skelton, who replaced the savior before him Kevin Kolb, who replaced the savior before him John Skelton, who replaced the savior before him Max Hall, who replaced the savior before him John Skelton, who replaced the savior before him Kevin Kolb, who replaced the savior before him Kurt Warner. At least the Eagles managed to cut their turnovers down to only 3 this week after having 9 in their first two games. Has any team ever turned the ball over 64 times in one season? Kolb threw for 222 yards and 2 touchdowns while his counterpart, Michael Vick, threw for 217 yards and didn't throw an interception but he did lose two fumbles. Meanwhile LeSean McCoy managed 70 yards on only 13 carries but Eagles head coach Andy Reid agrees with the philosophy that if you're running the ball well and your quarterback is struggling, especially with turning the ball over, just let your QB continue to sling it all over the field. Somewhere Mike Martz is smiling.

Patriots 30, Ravens 31

Less than 24 hours after learning about the death of his brother, Ravens WR Torrey Smith caught 6 passes for 127 yards and 2 touchdowns, Joe Flacco outgunned Tom Brady, throwing for 382 yards and 3 touchdowns, and the Ravens won on a last second FG that just sneaked past the upright. The kick was so close that Bill Belichick grabbed an official by the arm as he was running off the field to see if they were going to review it. "I'm not going to comment on that," Belichick said. "You saw the game. What did we have, 30 penalties called in that game?" Actually there were 24 penalties called, 10 on the Patriots and 14 on the Ravens. It just felt like more since the replacement officials take twice as long to figure anything out.

Falcons 27, Chargers 3

Matt Ryan threw for 275 yards and 3 touchdowns, Michael Turner showed he actually can still run the ball going for 80 yards and a TD, and the Chargers turned the ball over 4 times to help the Falcons cruise to an easy victory in a battle of unbeaten teams. It was the least amount of point the Chargers have scored in a game in almost 10 years and the first time it's happened with Philip Rivers at QB. Most of the damage on defense was done by safety Thomas DeCoud who had 2 interceptions and 1 fumble recovery. "The more opportunities we give Matt the better opportunity we have to win the game," DeCoud said. Brilliant insight. I just had a great poster idea. It will have DeCoud intercepting a pass and in big letters across the top it will say, "Opportunity".

Steelers 31, Raiders 34

Trailing 31-21 going into the 4th quarter the Raiders scored 13 unanswered points, including the game winning 43-yard FG as time expired. Carson Palmer threw for 209 yards and 3 touchdowns, Darren McFadden rushed for 113 yards and a TD and Dennis Allen got his first win as the Raiders coach. Undoubtedly the first of many for him with the Raiders, or at least however many he can get in the next year or two before he's fired.

Texans 31, Broncos 26

Something about this game seems eerily familiar. Broncos fall behind by a bunch early, start coming back to make it a game again, only to lose in the end by 6 points. The only difference was Peyton Manning didn't throw 3 interceptions in this game like he did against the Falcons. This time it was the Broncos defense that struggled. Matt Schaub threw for 290 yards and 4 touchdowns as the Texans scored 21 points in an 18 minute span covering the 1st and 2nd quarter to give the Texans the cushion they needed. Also unlike last week the Broncos did get the ball back for one last shot but the drive started at their own 14-yard line with just 20 seconds remaining. That's now 2 straight games the Boncos have lost by 6 points, and if they lose next week that will make three in a row or, 6-6-6. So if Jesus was helping Tim Tebow, who's helping Manning? These are questions that need to be answered.

I ran out of time but do you really care about these teams anyways?

Jets 23, Dolphins 20

Jaguars 22, Colts 17

Bills 24, Browns 14

Bengals 38, Redskins 31

49ers 13, Vikings 24

Wow that hurt just typing it. I know the Alex Smith haters are coming out again after this game but the 49ers defense was getting pushed around a little. Just like in their wins they played well in all three phases of the game, they had mistakes in all three phases that cost them in this one. I don't know what everyone else did after this game but I sat down and listened to Old Purple Tin (9% Pure Heaven) and Peace in the Valley by Alabama 3/A3 on a continuous loop while I drank a bottle of scotch.

Peace In The Valley (intro, bridge, chorus)

For whatever reason you refuse to feel this space we're in

To know its insanity, really know it

Whatever you particular anaesthetic is, that you hold onto so desperately

The thing I mean that makes you think you know who you are

Whatever that thing is that you allow to keep you sane, your ace in the hole

The psyche that keeps you from trying to guess what your pimp has in store for you

Whatever keeps you from screaming out at this very moment in absolute and sheer horror

Whatever you f... your brain with, whatever that is

Whatever that is, it's a lie, it's a lie

(bridge)

I got Ecstasy, but I need some company

You got that mystery; Lord I need a plan

All I got is a compromise and a bag full of alibis

Lord, as empty as the bottle of whiskey in my shaking hands

(chorus)

There's gonna be peace in the valley tomorrow

Cos tonight we're gonna blow it all away

Lord we feel so twisted, we ain't ever gonna fix it

We're just waiting for the light to shine on a brand new day

Old Purple Tin (9% Pure Heaven)

I lived with my momma, ‘til I was sixteen

Old time religion, the sweetest of dreams

And now that I'm aging, and conscience is dimmed

In the left hand the Bible, in my right hand an old purple tin

I went to the doctor, ‘cause I was unwell

He said, "My Boy, you all shot to hell

I'm gon' write you a prescription, for some pure heroin

But I traded that sucker, for a 6-pack of that old purple tin

The old purple tin, the old purple tin

Sweet testament Lord, to the state that I'm in

I've drunk it all day, I've drunk it all night

The old purple tin, oh Lord, lights up my life

I am in prison, the light never shines

I can't see my Bible, so dark is the night

I'm waiting for letters, that never get sent

All my brothers and sisters, on the corner with that old purple tin

The old purple tin, the old purple tin

Sweet testament Lord, to the state that I'm in

I've drunk it all day, I've drunk it all night

The old purple tin, oh Lord, lights up my life

Want more sweet pretty country acid house music, check out Facebook.con and Who the F... is John Sinclair on their new album Shoplifting for Jesus. Or just rewatch The Sopranos and hear them sing the intro Woke Up This Morning. And no, I don't get any royalties.

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