Fooch's Note: Phil is joining our stable of writers. Welcome!
Growing up in Pennsylvania, one would think I'd be an Eagles diehard. However, in 1990, when I was just 5 years young, the Eagles were a sorry excuse for a team. As a result, when I asked my grandfather which NFL team I should follow, he wisely instructed me to root for the 49ers (showing his true Eagles colors). His reason, "they have nice uniforms and a good quarterback." Little did I know that 23 years later, his formula for picking a winner would still ring true.
If you know Jim Harbaugh like I do, which is not at all, then you probably know that the man doesn't dare celebrate the birth of Christ until Santa sees his Christmas list. Every December 1st, Jim puts his whistle and clipboard on the shelf, in favor of a pen and pencil (gifts one through twenty-five are inked in pen, while gifts twenty-five through forty-nine are etched in pencil... per Harbaugh family tradition).
You can call Jim intense, heck you can even say he's a complainer, but you mustn't dare call him a non-believer. As a result of his dedication, the coach always gets what he wants on Christmas morning, like last year when he asked Saint Nick to let his older brother be the first Harbaugh to win the Super Bowl (John never did say thanks). So what's in store for this year's list? Well naturally, Jim's ready for that coveted Super Bowl trophy. For the record, John still sleeps in bed with his. But what about the remaining 49 items? It just so happens that I found Jim's list scribed on a napkin at his favorite haunt, P.F. Changs (google it). Below is that list, and may I suggest reading with a warm plate of spring rolls.
It's me, Jim Harbaugh, former NFL quarterback, current NFL head coach, plus star of "Saved by the Bell, The New Class." Here is what I want this year for Christmas:
49. The Harbaugh family creed "Who's got it better than us?" recognized by Webster's Dictionary as one singular word.
48. Pete Carroll to admit that he played Curly in the movie "City Slickers."
47. Pete Carroll to admit that he played Curly in the movie "City Slickers 2, the Legend of Curly's Gold."
46. Seattle fans to realize that the 12th man consists of 67,000 men.
45. The city of Seattle to start teaching math in their public schools.
44. A new pair of khakis, Levi's brand preferably.
43. An Ahmad Brooks Pro Bowl selection... Jerry, I'm looking your way too.
42. The University of Texas to quit calling me!
41. A lifetime supply of Diet Coke.
40. Ray Lewis to write a conspiracy novel about the blackout during the Super Bowl.
39. A drinking game where you take a shot every time Ray Lewis mispronounces the word "conspiracy" during his televised book tour.
38. Michael Crabtree's Achilles 100% healed.
37. An explanation on how Anthony Dixon got the nickname "Boobie."
36. An expanded role for LaMichael James in our offense.
35. The book "How to Dress for Success".
34. Marshawn Lynch's skittles tested before every game.
33. Bruce Arians honored as the NFL's first hipster coach.
32. Loud fans at Candlestick (maybe earned early after Monday Night Football).
31. A doggy bag for this delicious General Tso.
30. A hand-written apology (on slate) from the referees for blowing the New Orleans game.
29. Some figgy pudding, whatever that may be.
28. Critics and pundits to get off of Colin's back, sure it's a tall, inked, and handsome back, but it's merely one back.
27. A playoff home game, some way, some how.
26. An explanation as to why the Super Bowl is being held in New York this year... I refuse to pay $600 a night for a room at the Ramada Inn.
25. A clear set of instructions on how to delete my old Stanford University Twitter account.
24. A beverage called "The Harbaugh" sold at Vernon Davis' Jamba Juice store.
23. To play ten snaps in the Super Bowl.
22. Never to play my brother again in the Super Bowl, that sucked.
21. A brand new 80-inch Samsung LED TV for my BMW, take that Jerry Jones.
20. Patience with the media, for they know not what they do.
19. Richard Sherman to legally change his name to Dick Sherman.
18. An Eric Reid "Defensive Rookie of the Year" award.
17. A playoff victory in Seattle if need be.
16. A Super Bowl parade for the 49ers held in Seattle.
15. The Seahawks to admit that they'll never be as cool as the Supersonics.
14. The Browns to not be such a sorry franchise, I mean come on, give them a break, it's bad enough that they have to play in Cleveland.
13. An autographed Judge Judy gavel.
12. A time machine so I can go back and not select A.J. Jenkins as a first round pick, or at all even.
11. New socks.
10. A victory against Trent Baalke in tennis, because that guy has the strength of Venus Williams, and the stamina of Serena Williams.
9. My old shoulder pads returned by Alex Smith.
8. A Patrick Willis jersey, still not sure why I don't have one of those.
7. A "30 for 30" documentary explaining why those entertaining movies are called "30 for 30".
6. Some way for Washington to get back that No. 2 overall pick from the Rams.
5. An explanation as to why the Falcons hung around on MNF.
4. An official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle! (I have squirrels in my backyard)
3. A vacation home in Youngstown, Ohio, you know something for the kids.
2. A reboot of the game "Joe Montana Football" for my PS4.
1. World peace (except in Seattle).