Below is a possible but probably improbable mocking of the April draft. I'm going to give the draft part as a play by play because I can imagine how some of "us fans" (and the media) would react looking at it piece by piece. I hope you’re at least bemused by it. ;-)
Draft starts and numerous picks and trades go by....Sharif Floyd gets picked in the top 3 and there are remarks by a number of posters about how well he'd fit on our line. Tre9er notes how Sharif was a draft crush of his for a while...ARI picks up the second OT and remarks go back and forth about their choice.....Sheldon Richardson gets picked up and EastbayJim notes about him. Datone Jones gets picked in the mid-20’s and there is a lot of yelling and screaming on the site, along with a lot of posting of Guns N' Roses YouTube links…some post Safety Dance links then someone posts a Lady Gaga link followed by a lot of "WTF" posts.
Finally pick # 31 comes up……everyone is watching their TV and/or Internet….Goodel comes up and says "With the 31st pick in the 2013 Draft the 49ers pick…..Kawan Short….Purdue"….the site erupts….Kiper handles things ok, Mayock says a few things some of them unintelligible...on ESPN Kiper makes some remarks and puts more shellac on his hair. There are remarks constant on the site as far as the pick. Eastbay49er starts talking about pick# 34 and "The Aussie"…..Dorsey is mentioned in numerous ways….someone makes a cut-up of Patience with Safety Dance (it’s horrible by the way)
Day two…..Friday…..as the picks start….the site goes crazy…….then pick # 34 comes up…the site awaits with baited breath…..there’s a delay….cat pics start appearing…."manraj stop it!" someone yells. Finally Goodel approaches the stage…."At pick # 34 there has been a trade……" The site erupts both good and bad……"the San Francisco 49ers have traded pick # 34 with the NYJ for pick # 39 for a first round pick in the 2014 NFL Draft and the Jets 4th Round pick in this year’s draft." BigMar starts saying "Jenkins……rookies…..pass rush……" over and over and over. Some talk about Dynasty some talk about doom….some talk about food as it is close to dinner time. It’s explained that the Jets wanted to move up to get a QB (Barkley, Nasib, Manuel?) and were worried about being jumped by Philly and/or Arizona.
So we sit patiently waiting a few more picks….39 comes up…..and we all hear "At pick # 39 there has been a trade……the San Francisco 49ers have traded pick # 39 with Miami for pick # 54 and pick # 82 and a 4th round pick in the 2014 NFL Draft" I can’t say what is said at that point, remember site decorum is off during the draft. "I hafta wait till pick 54 to see who the second pick is??" is about the tamest. Eastbay49er is heard muttering "Aussie….. Aussie…… Aussie" Some holler out "Hunt!" or "Margus!" when one person yells out "Estonian!" a response comes back….."Who’s stoned?" having some fire power the Dolphins decided to move up to fill a need.
Finally at 54 Goodel marches up…..someone posts "If it’s another trade I’m heading to Radio City and kick some Harbuttke!" there’s a brief silence….."With the 54th pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Barret Jones, Center, Alabama" ….."A Center???? A freaking Center???" is said a number of times, along with remarks of "I am so getting drunk tonight!"
We don’t have to wait too long for #61 to come up "With the 61st pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Darius Slay, Corner Back, Mississippi State" Remarks fly about, "Where’s our Safety? Where’s our TE?", "Dude, it’s only round 2, calm down!", "God how many links to Guns N' Roses do we have to have????"
Round 3..Pick 74….."With the 74th pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Da’Rick Rogers Tennessee Tech" "Great Pickup!" "He’ll destroy the locker room" "Rogers is a virtual Julio Jones clone, exhibiting an exciting combination of size, strength and explosiveness.", "Character red-flags galore, but undeniably an elite talent."
Another few picks and 82 comes up "With the 82nd pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Bacari Rambo, Safety, Georgia" "Fina-freakingly!!!", "Yes!!! A Safety that can actually cover!"
Pick #93 comes," With the 93rd pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Travis Kelce, Tight End, Cincinnati", "Fiesty!" "Another character concern!"
So at the end of day two we have added the following: A Defensive End, a Center, a Corner Back, a Wide Receiver, a Free Safety, and a Tight End.
Day 3….Saturday, Pick 106 (From NYJ) ""With the 106th pick in the 2013 NFL Draft the San Francisco 49ers pick Brandon Jenkins, OLB, Florida State" Pick 128 is traded for a 3rd round next year. With the Comp pick we pick DT Montori Hughes (329 lbs from Tennessee-Martin) "There goes Ian Williams", "We’ll see about that." At pick #157 we take RB Knile Davis from Arkansas "227 lbs and runs under 4.4, sweet!" "He’s a boom or bust pick" "Which is fine for a 5th rounder" Rounds 5-7 we pretty much trade away.
As 7th Rd Comp picks we take WR Mark Harrison (6’3" 231 lbs WR that runs 4.46 40), and DE/DT Abry Jones as PS project players.
So at weekend's end we have a new Defensive End, Center, Corner Back, Wide Receiver, Free Safety, Tight End, Outside Linebacker, Defensive Tackle, and Running Back. As well we have at least a couple new PS players.
In 2014 we end up with the following:
Rd 1 NYJ pick
Rd 1 SF pick
Rd 2 SF pick
Rd 3 KC pick
Rd 3 SF pick
Rd 3 Comp pick
Rd 4 MIA pick
Rd 4 SF pick
Rd 4 Comp pick
Rd 5 SF pick
Rd 5 Comp pick
Rd 6 SF pick
Rd 7 pick for Colin Jones
Rd 7 SF pick
A total of 14 picks and the circus begins again.
Notice: No Draftniks (amateur or professional) were harmed in the making of this Mock.