Sunday is just around the corner! The NFC conference title match will soon be upon us, which no doubt means you have some partying to do. If you are watching the game by yourself, like Cam Newton, then you needn't worry about this read. But for those of us who don't live in Charlotte (congratulations, you've made the right choice), it's important to know a few helpful tips on how to make your 49er fiesta a success.
For starters, your 49er party needs some customized décor. 49er themed flags, banners, and pennants bring out the fun in any party, but why stop there? Fat Heads are sure to impress your guests, just make sure you have the budget for these ornate gifts from heaven (your wife/girlfriend/ baby mama will inevitably try to throw your Fat Head away. I suggest applying your Fat Head to the wall with superglue, for $100 a pop you better protect that thing).
Next, establish a dress code for you and your guests. Now there is no need to go rules-crazy with this, just politely and calmly tell your guests that if they wear anything-florescent green or aqua blue, they'll be thrown out of the window. If murder is too extreme for your liking, you can also ask them to leave, the choice depends what type of host you want to be. Since the 49ers are playing in Seattle, it's more appropriate to wear a white away jersey. But if you are like me, and white doesn't compliment your body well, feel free to wear a home jersey as well. Just make sure you dress for the occasion, sweatpants and hats are a necessity, while loafers and khakis are obscene.
Then there is the food aspect: you'll need a mighty spread for this epic feast. Keep the Ellio's on ice, because only the finest of pizzas should be served for Sunday's game. Please note that homemade pizza tugs on the heartstrings of any party animal. However, if you decide to take this route, make sure you allow yourself enough time to get drunk before the game starts... You don't want to miss hours of boozing simply because you want to impress the ladies by being Suzie Homemaker. You're there to drink beer and be loud, don't ever forget that!
More importantly, you must order some buffalo wings to wash down that pizza. I'm not talking about frozen Tyson wings either. Those are for feeble minds (like Seattle fans), and you can do better than that. Take this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to order a few dozen chicken legs from your favorite chicken leg distributer. Don't forget to be diverse with your order. Get multiple sauce options, for sauce options are always the key to any great get together. Whether you go with Caribbean Jerk, Sweet and Sweaty, Honey BBQ, or Garlic, we all come out winners (until Monday morning, between 9:00am and 9:15am). Here is another helpful hint, serve your wings and pizza on 49er themed napkins and plates. Themed napkins and plates separate the men from the boys.
Lastly, make sure your TV is up to snuff. Anything fewer than 40 inches is just unacceptable (that's what she said... that's comedy gold right there people). Burnt pixels and standard definition televisions are a surefire way to break any party. A surround sound system is also of the upmost importance. If your home entertainment center doesn't have these things, then may I suggest opening up a new credit card and taking a little trip to Best Buy. Check their return policy if your bank account is low, or just accept the credit card debt like every average American does. After you die, it becomes your kid's problem anyway. Speaking of children, while you're at Best Buy, buy the little tikes an Xbox. Kids can be burden, and an Xbox is just as reliable as a babysitter, plus they don't steal food from your fridge. That's a clear-cut case of two birds, one stone my friends.
Heed this advice and you can bet your bottom dollar that your 49er party will be a smashing success. If you don't follow these words of wisdom, your party will be as lame as a Seattle Seahawk trophy case.