It's clearly the dark part of the off season. Being strictly an NFL football fan, I truly suffer in the post-Super Bowl-pre-draft chasm that seems to bring a darkness to my world. But this darkness often spawns very interesting thoughts... "interesting" meaning "random" or "crazy" in a world where football is present.
We were having a discussion in another post where someone suggested that re-signing Anquan Boldin for 2 years for $9 Million would be "perfect." It sure would, IMO. In fact, it would be a miracle and I'd have to worship at the altar of Harbaalke for time eternal if they could pull that off. So far-fetched is that number/scenario that I posted this quip:
"I'd love to get him for $49.95 and a bag of pork rinds But that’s not going to happen."
Then someone responded asking me "How big is an $18,000,000 bag of pork rinds, anyway?" Which got me thinking. Then I had some time on my hands at work. That led to doing some math to answer that question.
Quick survey of the net shows Utz’s Pork Rinds in an 18oz container to be going for $11 on eBay.
$18mm/$11 = 1,636,363 containers. x18oz = 29,454,545oz of pork rinds, or roughly 1.84Million pounds.
So I started to think about other random and absurd things... and that's how I got to where I'm at: so deeply yearning for football that I am about to express Vernon Davis' salary in terms of...GUMBALLS. Basing these numbers off their 2014 cap numbers from OTC.
Without further adieu:
Vernon Davis ($7,342,916): 343,114,438 machine-sized gumballs
Frank Gore($6,450,000): 2,582,582 lug nuts
Justin Smith ($6,936,666): 19,485,016 paper grocery sacks (with handles!)
Carlos Rogers($8,094,531): 162,052 pairs of Skechers walking shoes ;)
Patrick Willis ($6,863,000): 2499423 cans of Campbell's Chunky Grilled Chicken & Sausage Gumbo (that's roughly 46989152 ounces, or 367,102 gallons o' gumbo!!)
Michael Crabtree ($4,770,443): 19,082 Onkyo Stereo Receivers
Colin Kaepernick ($1,630,457): 203,552 "Brown Bear Brown Bear" First Reader books.
LaMichael James ($905,154): 914,297 iTunes downloads of "Let it go" from Disney's Frozen
Jim Harbaugh (I know he doesn't count against the cap, but I couldn't resist!!) ($5,000,000): 135,171 pairs of pleated Dockers khaki pants.
Feel free to have fun with math and random objects... I just realized I actually have work to do.