Earlier today a rumor was reported by Florio of Pro Football Talk that the San Francisco 49ers nearly traded Jim Harbaugh to the Cleveland Browns. This then caused quite a stir, with Ian Rapoport saying his sources called it "Ridiculous", Peter King saying he was told the 49ers never discussed trade, and samuelrosario saying that Bethel-Thompson was put in the trade package.
Radical theories have been flying around Niners Nation and the twitterverse since this storm came to pass. However, I can now report to you the truth of what happened. I have more than zero unnamed sources who have secretly told me the honest-to-goodness truly true truth about what happened.
It all started with #dunkcam.
Jed York was taking a break from his busy day and saw an instagram post from @PattonBoy_11. Jed wanted to try out this "dunking" on someone, so he called Quinton Patton into his office. Quinton agreed to help him and get some footage of the dunk.
The next day Jed went into the 49ers locker room. The stage was set. The player was in position to be dunked. Jed snuck up and started the dunk. He began the jump; it was a thing of beauty.
However, Kaepernick, being the other half of 7-11, sensed something through the force. He stretched out his arm and stuffed Jed York.
York was crushed; he was afraid he'd never get a shot at dunking anyone. He called The General into his office yet again to thank him for his time. However, Quinton Patton then came up with another brilliant idea. He asked that his Head Coach and the GM be in the meeting.
"Coach, you remember the rumors that you and Mr. Baalke hated each other?" Patton asked. Harbaugh laughed a little and recollected the fun evening him and Trent had while reading the rumors. "Well, I think it's time to prank the media and let York dunk someone. Before you object, let me reference this string of posts called 'The Generals Bandwagon' on Niners Nation. If some whacko Alaskan can get half a blog of otherwise intelligent people to follow ME (well, I guess that shows they are intelligent, but that's for another time) then how hard would it be to get the twitter media?"
Baalke looked at Quinton incredulously. He said they'd never buy it. Harbuagh, in his tenacity to defend his players, said it would work. Baalke bet him it wouldn't. York and Patton smiled as they shook hands.
The stage was set.
Patton, pretending to be Timmy the intern, contacted Florio. Using an insider tip that he knew would trigger Florio's interest, he then proceeded to tell him how the Browns almost got Harbaugh in a trade. Quinton was actually surprised at how little convincing it took. He then made a few random comments in a few forums under different names saying how this was true.
Florio set himself up perfectly. After posting his article, Ian using his sources (who didn't reveal the gag to him but asked to not be identified) called his accusation ridiculous. York, Baalke and Harbaugh waited in anticipation. (Rumor has it Quinton was working out; Fooch will you run that down for me?) Then the moment of truth came. Florio then said Rapoport's source was lying to him, and that using an unnamed source was bogus.
Jed York then got the dunk in. See the full article here.
The source then went on to say that after the tweet, Baalke paid Harbaugh the $1 and went on to dinner with Jed.