FanPost

The Whole 49 Yards Vol.2

Aghhhhhhhh. That was a deep breath. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.

What a TMZ-infused off-season, with one TMZ report after another, accompanied by reports from other various news agencies.

A field day, um, a field off-season, if that makes it more accurate, or sensible, for TMZ and contributors, plus other gawking news people eating bits of the carnage like vultures until only bones are left over..

Do what you want with my writing style, but here it goes:

Most of the incidents have appeared to be caused by people not thinking through scenarios more carefully. If we carry those brass knuckles for an extra more extreme wallop, make sure to use it if some hoodlums surrounded you ready to beat you up.

Especially when you are as one person up against five guys.

But use it against a witness who attempts to thwart a hit-and-run incident?

One person? Which most likely in all probability isn't athletic at all, but some excited, nosed-in geek who probably recognized Culliver; now that I mentioned his name, he was just backwards on how he went about the whole thing, which could have been salvaged by staying on the scene and being cooperative with the police.

I know, maybe throw those knuckles over some fence, sigh, maybe he didn't think of that first.

That is one scenario not thought out thoroughly enough. If I were to carry one, I would draw up a list for what I'd use it for- self-defense, of course. Probably different self-defense scenarios, obviously.

Like, if I was getting beat up routinely and my face was becoming ugly to the point that I could never re-marry again, what choice do I have, especially and only in circumstances cops are not doing their jobs or are able to protect, you know?

Such as if it was happening in a Barrio, get the gist?

My knuckles are probably not as hard as some construction workers or boxers are, because I have been on social security a good part of my life besides earning some moolah as a writer, editor, and captioner.

I always wondered if it was prudent to even think about getting brass knuckles.

Sign language is my primary language and I wouldn't want anyone to smash my knuckles and take away my language. Fake sign language is of no use, you know, like that interpreter who used fake sign language, throwing around his inflexible tied-up hands at Mandela's memorial service on LIVE television with world leaders standing just inches away, with the fingers occasionally flicking.

Surely, that fake sign language interpreter made a fool of himself in front of millions of people who had no idea he was faking it. Breaking my knuckles and making a fool of myself is definitely not an option. Order me up some brass knuckles!

Just kidding, but you may give this sermon to Culliver, the oft-messed up cornerback who doesn't always give thought to everything - he was making strides with the LGBT communities until he brass-knuckled himself back to his foolhardy ways.

So how do I preserve my language as Culliver should preserve his career?

Think it through certainly and more thoroughly. Write a note and post it on your car's dashboard, a list of what to do. Not a good idea, what if a traffic cop pulls you over and sees that not-to-do list?

Memorize the list as Culliver memorizes the defensive play calls.

I could go on and on but this article would just become a rambling piece of work.

Point is, Culliver is jeopardizing his career even the 49ers quest for a 6th Lombardi trophy. He had brass knuckles and that was not even enough to provide leverage for contract negotiations, if you get the drift.

Now besides speaking to LGBT organizations, he may have to become a speaker to hit-and-run offenders forums or do some extensive public relations ploy with hit-and-run victim groups.

Let's move on to Kaepernick. Who whipped up the drinks? The woman.

She passed out from the drinks she whipped up on her own and if she indeed took a bong hit, combining marijuana with alcohol is positively going to cause her to pass out.

She wasn't forced to take a hit from the bong. If she was asked to, she had a choice, take the bong hit or decline to do so.

The bong story is just hearsay, although.

You know, I was a little perturbed to hear that Kaepernick was hanging around with Lockette, a former 49er turned Seahawk and Kaepernick's best buddy, during the off-season.

Lockette's involvement at the expense of the 49ers and a police investigation naming Kaepernick, Lockette, and Patton doesn't bode well for me and all the Niner fans and the 49er organization.

Four things to consider: Alcohol was involved, with a more intoxicating result having marijuana involved as well. Lockette, is he a true friend of Kaepernick who cares about his career, or just disregarding the 49er vision for Kap's future?

Why bring in a woman who may be a gold-digger (just wait until a civil lawsuit is served), or just serves as trouble for Kap? Why mortgage away the 49ers Super Bowl ambitions while gambling with the woman to see what comes of it?

I support Kap. He didn't think through the scenarios that could happen. Not in the level of Culliver or Aldon Smith the 42-sack beast, but if the police investigation doesn't clear Kap that will bring him to a new level.

Aldon has been struggling with alcohol. He has to abandon the alcohol-drinking entourage or crowd that is detrimental to his alcohol rehabilitation, or he will keep drinking. Now listen, reports do not confirm he was drinking alcohol or if he was drunk.

But acting belligerent and using a poor choice of words (or actions) will put these players under scrutiny even more.

Even if one wanted to joke about having a bomb, since 9-11 it is taboo and against the law to even mention the word "bomb" at an airport. Is drinking before a flight a good idea?

NO.

I sincerely hope these players realize how much is at a stake for them to play a big part in delivering a Super Bowl win.

Not to take part in offseason troubles that torment Jed York, Trent Baalke, Jim Harbaugh, the 49er fan base, even the haters who secretly hope for another Montana-to-Rice duo to surface.

Like a Kaepernick-to-Evans duo, you know?

Please.

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors. It does reflect the views of this particular fan though, which is as important as the views of Niners Nation's writers or editors.

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