So the title of this post should have been Mock, Yeah! Draft, Yeah! 2014 after a similarly titled post I made last year, but then I get on here a few days ago to find that my intellectual offspring had been stolen by some heartless thief. I should've known that something so incredibly brilliant should have been trademarked. Anyway, I've wasted away countless hours on mock drafts once again and I felt like sharing one with you fine people. I must pre-warn you though, this one is a little unconventional and a little more unrealistic. It’s unconventional because I see the same stuff all day, and also because I'm a little off upstairs. It’s unrealistic because fanspeak let me do it. The biggest nerd in school doesn't turn down the prom queen because she's too hot for him and out if his league, so I'm not gonna turn down picks either.
30. CB Darqueze Dennard
He's here at 30 and I didn't even have to trade up, splendid.
56. DB Lamarcus Joyner
(Cue the guy that’s gonna complain about slow feet at the combine) If combine measurables were everything, Jamarcus Russell would be sippin robitussin in an NFL locker room instead of on his couch. Joyner can ball out as a versatile defensive weapon/return specialist. Brock is solid but after him is a whole lot of uncertainty.
61. S Deone Bucannon
I had a dream, well, more of a nightmare. Eric Reid knocked himself out of the 2015 Superbowl and this guy with a jersey that said "Dahl" on the back came trotting out onto the field. That was a horrible night. Bucannon is the needs a little grooming insurance of today and 1/2 of the safety tandem that will rule the world of the future.
77. DE Demarcus Lawrence
Aldon Smith just walked into DEA headquarters and told them he had an uncut kilo of coke in his pants.
94. WR Cody Latimer
I am the nerd. Latimer is the prom queen. We're going on a date.
100. C Marcus Martin
Backup Center/Starting Center/Overall Interior O-line beef. I'll take it.
129. RB Jeremy Hill
We do not need another running back this year, I know this. But look to next year with likely no Gore or LMJ and you'll see a three-headed monster of Lattimore, Hunter, and Hill. He's the short yardage power back that Boobie never was (typing that hurt my soul, sorry Boobie).
170. QB David Fales
Maybe Gabbert learns to not crap his pants and maybe he doesn't. Bethel-Thompson is a good guy, played against him in high school, but 2nd string QB he is not.
242. OLB Tyler Starr
He looks like Clay Matthews but less douchie because his name isn't Clay Matthews. Coulda gone Aaron Lynch here but I went with the wildman.
243. TE Colt Lyerla
If everybody that ever played with a little nose candy couldn't get a job I'd have a lot more free time to do fanposts. To quote the little black kid from Hook, "Give em a chance!" Trey Millard here if you don't like to party.
245. WR Solomon Patton
I did this for the sole purpose of forcing broadcasters to refer to Quinton as The General to avoid confusion.
And there it is folks. I know nothing remotely close to this will actually happen come draft day, and I'm just fine with that. I'm gonna go grab a beer and enjoy the rest of my glorious sunday. Everybody have a good one.