WALL OF TEXT crits you for 24743987 (crushing).

You die.

Your equipped items suffer a 10% durability loss.

All kidding aside, what I really wanted to ask is, what's the deal with this Judy Steffes? I keep seeing her name mentioned all over the site, but Google and the McFaq don't have anything about her. Whenever she's mentioned people start writing in all caps, and I think Xanthan is supposed to be in love with her or something.

I feel like Kyle Broflovski in this episode. So please, gang, let me in to the secret and I might even let you hear the finished version of Total Eclipse of the Giants I recorded.

This story looks pretty bad for Mateo. Arrested for (allegedly) passing counterfeit banknotes. Victor Santos may be tied up in this too. I imagine this is the end of his career - he's been pitching pretty crappily in Fresno.

I particularly love the way Mateo gave the game away - when the police come up to him, before they've said anything about counterfeit notes, he says "I didn't pass the bad money." Of course it's not the only game he's given away lately; his ERA in Fresno is 5.69.

According to this post, McCovey Chronicles is worth $138,920 (I love the false precision) and is the 39th most valuable blog sports blog in existence! No doubt this is based on the millions of nipple-chafing T-shirts sold. I wonder if Grant has taken to swimming, Scrooge McDuck-like, in his money?

Some things to note:

1) No Dodger blogs in the top 100!

2) Baseball Prospectus will no doubt use this to start their own blog-ranking stat, BRA.
E.g. Grant's holiday posting was amazing, and he had a .390 BRA over the past few weeks.

3) I hate Deadspin.

(edit:  Two front-page promotions in one day! You grubby little proletariat types finally get your day in the sun.)

Over at the Pirates blog - here.

It's got to the semi-finals, where it's our very own Brian Sabean taking part. This is actually Sabean's first match - as the number one seed to be worst GM (!) he got a bye in the first round, then he went through the second round unopposed as his opponent Wayne Krivsky got fired. So far Sabes has had it easy.

But now Sabean is up against Bill Bavasi - who deserves a lot of respect in this tournament, as a very bad GM in his own right. This will be no pushover, but Sabean is a gamer, so I'm sure he'll grit, hustle and bunt his way to a win.

Lest we forget, the Giants aren't the only team around these parts with a clueless owner, incompetent front office, ridiculous contracts given to substandard players and generally speaking a tough road to hoe.

To prove I know nothing about the draft, I was really excited when the Giants picked Rashaun Woods. He's now bouncing around the CFL (Go Hamilton Tiger Cats!). So I will rely on others to tell me whether they made a huge blunder or only a medium-sized folly.

The Niners are picking 29th, so I just hold my breath.

Well, having checked thoroughly under the cushions and behind the sofa, none of us could find the swagger. And I've discovered why. The swagger wasn't lost, it was stolen - by Jimmy Rollings. In fact, Rollins has been swaggering so much lately that detectives believe alchohol may be involved.

Brian Sabean has already tried to get the swagger back. I uncovered this top-secret communique from Sabean to Rollins, pleading for the missing swagger:

Sadly, not only did Rollins not return our swagger, he proceeded to steal our verve and our backbone, and our supplies of chutzpah are running dangerously low. Now that Sabean has failed, it is up to us to bring this swagger-thief to heel and return our team to glory.

What say you, men?

That cheater Troy Glaus has been exposed as taking steroids. I cannot believe that a ballplayer would disgrace himself in this way, or that his fans could sink so low as to cheer for him. From now on the Angels supposed win in the 2002 World Series will forever be marked with an asterisk. The Giants will always be regarded as the true winners.

Oh, and Glaus should be retrospectively stripped of his World Series MVP, which then would naturally go to Barry Bonds.

Congratulations to Giants fans everywhere! We finally won it!

ESPN is doing some retarded thing where it decides who the "face" of each franchise is. Normally I wouldn't care, but then I noticed that our very own Grant gets to choose!

So naturally I suggest that we in the McCoven use all the threats/bribery/blackmail/etc in our power to get some comedy injected into the proceedings.

Let's face it, there can only be one face of the Giants franchise:

Fred Lewis just needs 22 more grand slame to pass the great Lou Gehrig and become the all time leader. I for one am on tenterhooks.

It was just a matter of time before he turned back into a pumpkin.