You know, it won't be long before the phrase "hot off the press" is meaningless to people.   What do you mean the news would be printed up? Like on a printer?    Somebody would bring it to your house?   Oh, that's silly Dad!  Did you take your medicine today?

Anyway, here's some news:

Six players, including the heart of the Minnesota Vikings' stout defensive line, were suspended for four games without pay by the NFL on Tuesday for violating the league's anti-doping policy.      

All six were punished for using a diuretic, which can serve as a masking agent for steroids.

The suspended players were running back Deuce McAllister and defensive linemen Charles Grant and Will Smith of New Orleans; defensive linemen Kevin and Pat Williams of Minnesota; and long snapper Bryan Pittman of Houston.

The main fantasy impact is in the next paragraph:

The punishment means all six will miss the end of the regular season, an especially harsh blow to Minnesota, which relies heavily on the Williamses in its run defense, which ranks second in the league.

 

The McAllister suspension has probably already been factored in by fantasy owners -- both Reggie Bush and Pierre Thomas are already owned by somebody in your league I'm sure.   The giant hole that has been blown in the Minnesota defensive line is something new though.  The running backs the Vikes will be facing for the rest of the year are Kevin Smith (DET), JJ Arrington/Tim Hightower (ARZ), Michael Turner (ATL) and Brandon Jacobs/Derrick Ward (NYG).  Turner and Jacobs would be starts anyway, but this suspension could be the difference between a good start and a bad start for guys like Smith and Hightower.

This won't help the Saints running defense either (next four games: ATL, DET, CHI, CAR) and with the Falcons and Lions playing BOTH teams, it should mean especially big days for those offenses.

Since he returned from injury at the beginning of November, it's been increasingly clear that Joseph Addai is not the same running back he once was.   In the five games since his return the Colts have faced three tough defenses (New England, Pittsburgh and San Diego) and won all five games by small margins (3, 4, 6, 3 and 4 points respectively).  Those are the types of games that you would expect to see the Colts running game -- meaning Addai -- to shine.
 
Instead, Addai has been a footnote for most of those games.  Except for a 22 carry, 105 yard, 1 TD performance against the Texans, he's hasn't been able to top 70 rushing yards in a single game.   In fact, for the five games since his return -- including the Houston game -- he's averaging 16 carries for 60 yards per game, a low 3.6 yds per carry average.   That's not going to get it done for your fantasy team and it's barely getting it done for the Colts.
 
Another disturbing factor is the increased workload being seen by Dominic Rhodes.  He was practically invisible early in the season (seven carries total in the first four games) but took over when Addai was injured.  Rhodes went back to being the backup when Addai was healthy, but his 3.8 yds per carry average over the past five games is better than Addai's, and Rhodes has double-digit carries in two of the past three games.
 
It seems clear that Addai still has lingering effects from his injury and the Colts are lightening his workload because A) he's not healthy enough to take 25 carries or B) they don't want to burn him out before the playoffs.  Either way, it's bad news for fantasy players right now.  With the Colts' next two games against the Bengals and the Lions, there shouldn't be any need for Addai to risk further injury with 20+ carries. 

Fantasy owners of Joseph Addai look to have one of the worst situations in fantasy football -- a "stud" that you feel you can't sit, but you expect won't perform well.

- Forget the previous 12 weeks -- going into Sunday, was there any part of the Atlanta Falcons that was better than San Diego on paper?  Quarterback?  Running back?  Secondary?  No, probably not.  Yet the Falcons pretty much manhandled the Chargers.  Amazing.
 
- At this point, San Diego has to realize they let the wrong RB go to the Falcons, don't they?
 
- Tampa QB Jeff Garcia had his second straight game with fewer than 170 passing yards and his second straight win.  With a game next week against the Panthers, it could happen again.  This guy is like fantasy anti-matter.
 
- Not counting QB scrambles, the Redskins ran the ball four times in the second half. FOUR TIMES.  All you Clinton Portis owners can wave to the playoff bus as it drives away.   Bye playoffs!
 
- In my money league, I've had an opposing RB score four TDs on me for the second straight week (Michael Turner last week, DeAngelo Williams this week).  If you believe I'm cursed, put your money on Maurice Jones-Drew or Willis McGahee next week.
 
- Green Bay has given up 86 points over the past two weeks.  Something to think about if you're considering starting Steve Slaton next week.
 
- Browns' QB Derek Anderson finished with 110 passing yards, no touchdowns and no interceptions....and he was a better fantasy choice than Peyton Manning (125 pass yards, 0 TD, 2 INT).  Oh yeah, and he was injured during the game too, so let me introduce you to Ken Dorsey.
 
- Plaxico who?

- The Ravens have scored 34+ points in four of the their last five games, the only blemish being a game against the Giants.  WR Derrick Mason is up-and-down, but worth a shot if you really need a WR.
 
- Marshawn Lynch rushed for 134 yards and the Bills only scored 3 points.  You really have to work at it to make that happen.
 
- Just when you thought Darren McFadden might finally be breaking out --- 7 carries for 13 yards.  Sigh.
 
- The Broncos beat the Jets, before that they lost the Raiders.  They beat the Falcons, before that lost to Miami.  They beat the Buccaneers, before that lost to the Chiefs.  Can somebody help me figure this out?  I give up.
 
- The Bengals might finish the season 1-14-1 and not get the first overall draft pick.  That team not only needs a new coaching staff, it needs an exorcist.  The power of Bill Cowher compels you!!! 

Something to think about while you're working on those Thanksgiving leftovers

Super Bowl hero Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the right thigh and spent the night in the hospital, another dramatic turn in a tumultuous season in which the star New York Giants receiver has been fined and suspended.

The Giants said the shooting happened Friday night and he was released from the hospital early Saturday. The team did not say which hospital Burress went to or how badly he was injured.

Wow.  There's not much to add here.  Don't start him this week, I guess I should add that.

Newsday reported Burress has a concealed weapon permit from the state of Florida that expired in May 2008. It is unclear if the permit was renewed; such a license can be renewed up to six months beyond the expiration date in accordance with section 790.06(11)(a) of Florida Statutes.

However, the states of New York and New Jersey do not recognize permits from Florida, so Burress could be charged in the incident.

The NFL also is likely to investigate whether Burress violated its Personal Conduct Policy, which might lead to a suspension.

OK, then let me also add that he's probably done for the rest of the fantasy season.  Hixon wouldn't be a bad last minute pickup if he's available.

With fantasy leagues wrapping up their regular seasons and heading into the playoffs, NFL matchups become even more important than usual.  Here are a few things to keep in mind:
 
- Cleveland has a(nother) new QB in Derek Anderson and games against the Colts and Titans coming up.  Don't count on much from any of your Browns in the next few weeks.  It wouldn't be a surprise if Romeo Crennel got fired during that stretch either.
 
- Trent Edwards' offensive performance last week had to have been a fluke, but the Bills next two games are against the 49ers and the Dolphins.  Each of those two teams have given up 40+ points in a game this season.  He won't personally score 24 points again, but last week could've been the start of a hot streak for Edwards.
 
- It was a Happy Thanksgiving for fantasy owners with Cowboys, but it will be a long, hard wait until Christmas. Dallas next faces Pittsburgh, the Giants and Baltimore -- three of the better defenses in the league -- right in time for your fantasy championship.
 
- I know it just seems wrong, but Tyler Thigpen could be the key to a fantasy championship this year.  His next three games are against the Raiders, Broncos and Chargers, teams that allow an average of 232 passing yards per game and only havea total of 23 interceptions.  Go Tyler Go!
 
- You'll start the studs in Indianapolis anyway, but leftover guys like Anthony Gonzalez should be snapped up now.  The Colts are in a battle for the playoffs and next face Cleveland, Cincinnati and Detroit.  It should be a fantasy feast against that schedule.

Happy Thanksgiving!  Personally, I have much to be thankful for this year: my health, my family, my friends (two of whom we'll be celebrating with later today), food on the table and a roof over my head.  And not least, the opportunity to blog here at Fake Teams.  I hope you have a safe and happy Thanksgiving.
 
And of course, it wouldn't be Thanksgiving without football!  Unfortunately, the NFL has served up three great big turkeys for us today -- Tennessee vs Detroit, Philly vs Arizona and Dallas vs Seattle.  This looks to be the football equivalent of that video where Sarah Palin is talking in front of a turkey slaughter.   You betcha!
 
Tennessee vs Detroit --  Let's see, the Titans are 10-1, having lost to arguably the best team in the AFC.   The Lions are 0-11 and are a complete train wreck offensively.  This should be a blast!   But not for Kerry Collins.  The Lions are a not-too-terrible 19th in pass defense, but that's really only because nobody bothers throwing against them.  Not when they're dead last in rushing defense, allowing almost 167 rushing yards per game.  They've also allowed 18 rushing TDs (3rd worst in the league) and 100 rushing first downs (2nd worst).   The Titans will run Chris Johnson and LenDale White at the Lions all. day. long.    It should be a good day for any Detroit IDPs you might have though, they'll be on the field a lot.  Lions' WR Calvin Johnson can't be stopped by anybody, but he can be contained -- the Titans have only allowed seven passing TDs all year.
 
Dallas vs Seattle -- The return of Tony Romo (341 pass yds, 3 TD) and Terrell Owens (213 rec yd, 1 TD) last week was much appreciated by fantasy owners.  It had been far, FAR too long since those two guys contributed.  Everybody realized it was against the Forty Niners though, a team so bad they're ranked 29th against the pass.  Well, you have one more reason to give thanks today as the Seahawks are ranked 31st against the pass!  Yes, even considering the beating the Niners had last week, the Seahawks are still worse, giving up a whopping 259 pass yards per game and 1.45 passing touchdowns per game.  Even better for Romo owners, the 'Hawks only have five interceptions all season.  Start all your Cowboys, loosen your belt a few notches and sit back to enjoy the fireworks.

Philadelphia vs Arizona -- The Eagles have recently been crushed by the "powerhouse" Baltimore offense and before that could only tie the miserable Bengals.  QB Donovan McNabb can't stop throwing interceptions and the rumors are already swirling that he's done in Philadelphia after this season.  Talk about pressure.  Meanwhile the Cardinals have an MVP candidate at QB and they can smell the playoffs.  This could be a very ugly matchup for the Eagles offense, including (and especially) Brian Westbrook.  Nobody fears the Eagles right now.

Right now there are five running backs in the NFL averaging more than 20 carries a game.  Consistently getting a lot of carries is one of the most important (and yeah, most obvious) aspects of fantasy football success.   With the weather growing colder and players getting more tired, can you count on these five RBs for the rest of the season?
 
1.  Michael Turner, ATL - 22.8 att/gm
Outlook: Very good.  Matt Ryan is performing superbly, but the Falcons aren't going to overwhelm him even if it means missing the playoffs.  Turner is still the engine of this offense, though technically it is within league rules for them to use Jerious Norwood.
 
2. Clinton Portis, WAS - 22.2 att/gm
Outlook: Outstanding.  Jason Campbell and the Washington passing game just hasn't developed the way some people (like me) predicted, so this is still Clinton's team.  He seems to be healthy again too.
 
3. Adrian Peterson, MIN - 22.0 att/gm
Outlook: Very good.  What, you think they're going to count on Gus Frerotte?  AP does have historical injury issues that may cause the Vikings to use Chester Taylor more often and his attempt totals have declined each of the past two games.
 
4. Willie Parker, PIT - 21.0 att/gm
Outlook: Below average.  Parker is the only one of these five RBs with a yds/carry average below 4.0 (he's at 3.8) and he has the fewest touchdowns (4) of the group as well.  Mewelde Moore has proven he can get the job done, and Parker is still coming off multiple injuries.  Ride him while he's healthy, but don't be surprised when he tapers off.  Or when he blows out a wheel.
 
5. Matt Forte, CHI - 20.5 att/gm
Outlook: Good.  The Bears are going to run the ball a lot even with Orton back and Forte doesn't have any competition for carries in Chicago.  While there's a chance he may hit the rookie wall, the Bears will continue driving him straight towards that wall as long as they're in the hunt for the NFC North title.

It wasn't a good week to be an NFL quarterback, as six -- count 'em six! -- QBs were replaced during the game.  Doesn't anybody have any faith anymore? 

No.

- After destroying the Packers for 51 points, the Saints decided to give Drew Brees the final two minutes of the game off.  Mighty gracious of them.  Mark Brunell came in to mop up.

Next week's starter: Brees, of course.  Unless he's really cramped up.

- The Chiefs were getting crushed by 54-24 in the fourth quarter when they decided to protect QB Tyler Thigpen and replace him with Quinn Gray.  Gray promptly engineered a 7 play, 71 yard drive culminating in a TD pass to WR Dwayne Bowe.  Although to be fair, the Bills defense only had 6 players on the field at that point because nobody cared anymore.  Still, it was a nice drive.
 
Next week's starter: Definitely Thigpen, as he was only pulled as a protective measure.

- In St. Louis, the Rams started off with Marc Bulger, only to see him get injured after two passes.  In came the headbanging Trent Green, who promptly threw four TDs over the course of a 27-3 loss.  After the fourth interception, the Rams replaced him with Brock Berlin, just to rub it in.
 
Next week's starter: Unknown.  It's Bulger if he's healthy, but at his age a concussion is no small thing.  If he's out, there's no telling which backup will start.
 
- In the football wasteland known as Detroit, the Lions benched terrible, horrible, no-good QB Daunte Culpepper in the 3rd quarter after a 6 for 18, 88 yard, 2 INT performance.  Yes, those were his stats up until 8:54 left in the third quarter.  His benching meant the new starter was Drew Stanton, a QB considered so bad that rather than start him, the Lions went out and signed Daunte Culpepper.  Just think about that for a minute.  Stanton lived up to his reputation by completing 33% of his passes for 13 yards -- and then suffering a concussion.  That meant Culpepper was back in the game, where he contributed on the very next series by getting sacked, fumbling, recovering his own fumble and getting hit with a delay of game penalty.   Matt Cassel's agent is cutting a highlights DVD for the Lions right this minute.
 
Next week's starter: Probably Culpepper unless Stanton can heal from the concussion and start not-sucking in only three days.  That's when the Lions face the Titans.  Imagine how that will go.
 
 
- In a move that absolutely nobody saw coming </sarcasm> Browns' Coach Romeo Crennel pulled starter Brady Quinn in the second half after an 8 for 18, 94 yard performance in favor of new/previous starter Derek Anderson. Anderson responded by going 5 for 14 with no TDs and an interception as the Browns lost to the lowly (but not that lowly) Texans.
 
Next week's starter: Coach Crennel says it will be Quinn, but check the news wire every ten minutes or so up until the game starts.  Then check every three minutes.
 
- The biggest QB move of the day was Philadelphia's Donovan McNabb getting the hook in favor of Kevin Kolb after throwing two interceptions and coughing up a fumble -- making a total of seven turnovers in the past seven quarters.  Seeing Daunte Culpepper or Brady Quinn get benched is one thing, but McNabb is an established veteran QB, a guy that led his team to the Super Bowl only a few seasons ago.  This has a big impact.  However, there's good news for both McNabb and Kolb.  The good news for Donovan is that Kolb stunk up the joint with a 73 yard, two interception performance including one interception that was returned for an NFL record 108 yards for a touchdown.  Gotta love that.    The good news for Kolb is that the game was played in Baltimore, so he didn't have to face an angry mob of Eagles fans burning him in effigy on top of his own car in the players' parking lot.
 
Next week's starter: Supposedly McNabb, though a Thursday night game against the Cardinals won't do anything to help his confidence.

- J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!  The growth of rookie TE Dustin Keller continues for New York -- he's now averaging 6.7 catches and 79 rec yards per game over the past three games.  He has become a comfortable target for Favre
 
- Take away his big 24 yard scamper and the Titans' RB Chris Johnson finished with 9 rushes for 22 yards.  Rookie, meet wall.
 
- The Rams are terrible without Steven Jackson, though to be fair they're not any good with him either.  The Bears gave up 200 rushing yards to the Packers, then limit the Rams to 14 total rushing yards.
 
- Wow.  Matt Cassel.  Over the past two weeks he's 60 for 94, with 814 passing yards, 6 TDs and an interception.  And he ran for a touchdown.  I still don't know how much of these performances should be attributed to him and how much to the Patriots, but we're going to find out next season when some really bad team overpays for him as a free agent.  Some fantasy football owners next year will also overpay for him based on these numbers.
 
- Don't let Cassel overshadow the fact that Pennington had a superb 341 passing yd, 3 TD, 1 INT performance himself.    Pennington is a candidate for fantasy sleeper of the year.
 
- Having Trent Edwards on your fantasy bench (and it's very likely he was on your fantasy bench) is the type of thing that makes you want to quit Fantasy Football when you see him finish with two passing touchdowns AND two rushing touchdowns.  A quick check at Pro Football Reference reveals that even Michael Vick never had a game where he rushed for two AND threw for two.  Wow.
 
- While the Vikings had a solid win over the Jags, Gus Frerotte and the passing game is terrible.  There aren't many teams that can be beat with 120 passing yards and an interception.  Cassel more than tripled the number of passing yards Frerotte had.  Speaking of Cassel, he'd make a nice fit in Minnesota.
 
- Lions Win (the first quarter)!!  Ugh, what a mess.  From a fantasy football perspective, it's good to see that RB Kevin Smith (16 carries for 86 yards) is getting a lot of work though.
 
- Yeah, yeah, Tony Romo, Terrell Owens, happy fantasy owners.  It was the Forty Niners, it should've been that way.  The bigger story is the Cowboys defense coughing up 300+ passing yards to Shaun Hill.  Shaun Hill!   If your fantasy WRs are facing the Cowboys, things look much better.
 
- I just want to take Andre Johnson and Calvin Johnson and rescue them and put them in a good home with a good QB.  Maybe with the Jets or the Falcons.  They don't deserve to put up great fantasy performances week after week, year after year, only to miss the playoffs on really bad teams.  I feel bad for the guys.  They're the abandoned puppies of the NFL.
 
- My Dad's a big Eagles fan and every weekend we talk on the phone and the conversation invariably turns to how the Eagles did that day.   My Dad's comment this week was "At least the Phils won the World Series."  That about sums it up.
 
- There should be a league rule passed forbidding the Broncos from making the playoffs, I don't care if they win every single game left in the season.  Giving up 158 rushing yards to the Raiders?!   Having a 10-10 tie in the 3rd quarter and then giving up 21 unanswered points?  Bleah.  Imagine what will happen when they face the Jets next week.  If you have Leon Washington, start him!!
 
- In my money league, I've faced the team that has Michael Turner twice this season.  His combined totals for those two games against me are 337 rushing yards and six touchdowns.  I really hate that guy.

Browns' QB Brady Quinn broke his finger during his game against the Bills on Monday Night and the latest reports are that he's going to try to play tomorrow.
 
If he doesn't play, it means that Derek Anderson will be taking the field.  With the Browns facing a weak pass defense in the Houston Texans, there's a great chance that Anderson could have a breakout game that causes Romeo Crennel to re-name Anderson the starter.  Crennel is notoriously fickle when it comes to starting quarterbacks and a single good offensive game on Sunday could be the shiny bauble needed to distract him into changing his mind.
 
In fact, Crennel could make the move even if Quinn CAN play.   Here's the weather forecast for Cleveland tomorrow: 

Windy and cold under partly cloudy skies, high of 39 degrees with winds at 13mph. Note that snow showers are in the forecast for Sunday night/Monday morning in Cleveland.

Whoooo, baby!  That's football weather!  
 
Now picture this: It's cold and grey and blustery and the Browns start off slow on Sunday. Quinn is having a hard time getting any rhythm going and the Texans jump out to a 14-0 lead.  As the second half winds down, the Browns recover a Sage Rosenfels fumble at the Texans' 22 yard line.   The Browns' next series goes like this:
 
1-10-HOU 22     (1:45) 10-B.Quinn pass incomplete short right to 17-B.Edwards
2-10-HOU 22     (1:05) 10-B.Quinn pass incomplete short middle to 82-S.Heiden
3-10-HOU 22     (:43) 10-B.Quinn pass incomplete deep left to 80-K.Winslow
 
With a restless crowd starting to grumble and the weather turning colder, Crennel decides he needs some points on the board.  He sends out the field goal team with a swirling wind coming off the lake.
 
4-10-HOU 22     (:04) 4-P.Dawson 39 yard field goal is No Good, Wide Right
 
Boos rain down from the crowd as the dejected Browns head into the locker room. If the Browns lose the game and fall to 4-7, Crennel's job is on the line.
 
Under a scenario like that, how likely is it that Crennel will say something like
 
"Oh!  Quinn's finger is bothering him!  (Quinn: "No it's not coach"  Crennel: "Shut up rookie!")  We need to have Derek Anderson take over!!  Good old Derek!  I have faith in him!"
 
Considering Crennel's history, I'd say it's hardly a longshot prediction.  If Derek Anderson is floating around your waiver wire, you might want to pick him now.  If it doesn't happen, then you can drop him on Monday morning.  If it does, then you have a starting NFL quarterback for fantasy depth.