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David Carr Press Conference Memorial Open Thread Number2

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Fooch and I think it's high time for another open thread. Tensions are ratcheting up, and these are always a good way to blow steam off. For those that don't remember this tradition hearkens back to the David Carr Press Conference that never happened. It's a good thing too, since the hilarity that ensued in the 546 comment thread was far better than any possible press conference could've been. Join us below the jump for some randomness and fun.

smiley jr experienced his first bloody lip yesterday. We were at my father-in-law's place and he was chasing one of his cousins when he tripped hard. I'm sure it's the first of many scrapes to come, but so far this is the most minor one. He actually broke his leg last summer falling off the couch.

Anyone an expert plumber? I've got a slow drain in my laundry room that causes water to get backed up every time we use the washing machine. I've tried about everything I can think of and I really, really, really don't want to pay a plumber to come in becacuse I know it will be extremely expensive. I'm guessing that the plumbing is original to the house which was built in the 1950s.

Here's a cool video for gamer fans. Some fans went and made a live action tribute to Call of Duty

New Line Cinema is pissing off Lord of the Rings fans. The movie is being released on HD finally, however they're only releasing the theatrical versions, not the extended. It's a nice way for them to pocket more change so they can get people to buy both. Fans have mobilized and are giving it one star reviews everywhere. Right now at the Amazon page there are a total of 3,115 reviews, of which 2,818 are one star.

Speaking of Amazon if you want some hilarity go to Amazon and read some mock reviews. There's a ton of them there if you want to dig them out, but here are some of my favorites. (The 3 Wolf T-Shirt has become an internet meme now).

3 Wolf T-Shirt

Dual Function Design
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.

I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.

Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark.

Bic Crystal Pen

Very good if you need to write on paper
Since taking delivery of my pen I have been very happy with the quality of ink deposition on the various types of paper that I have used. On the first day when I excitedly unwrapped my pen (thanks for the high quality packaging Amazon!) I just couldn't contain my excitement and went around finding things to write on, like the shopping list on the notice board in our kitchen, the Post-it notes next to the phone, and on my favourite lined A4 pad at the side of my desk.

My pen is the transparent type with a blue lid. I selected this one in preference to the orange type because I like to be able to see how much ink I have left so that I can put in another order before I finally run out.

When the initial excitement of taking delivery of my new pen started to wear off I realised that I shouldn't just write for the fun of it, this should be a serious enterprise, so by the second day of ownership I started to take a little more care of what I wrote. I used it to sign three letters, and in each case was perfectly happy with the neatness of handwriting that I was able to achieve.

I have a helpful tip for you that you might not know about - if you let the ink dry for a few seconds you can avoid the smudging that sometimes happens if you rub the ink immediately after writing. Fortunately the ink used in this particular Bic pen seems to dry very quickly

There's more to the pen one--this is just a taste.

Denom Audio Cables

This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be sometime around 2007 for whomever is reading this. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES. Something... happens with them. Something came through, something from somewhere else. We were overrun in days, not many of us are left. WE LIVE UNDERGROUND! ONLY YOU CAN STOP IT NOW. SAVE US. DO NOT USE THESE CABLES.

I don't have much time. This connection isn't sound. If my calculations are correct, it should be--

Uranium Ore

Good Product, Poor Packaging

I purchased this product 4.47 Billion Years ago and when I opened it today, it was half empty.

In weird news, earlier this week two women tried to smuggle a corpse onto a plane

LONDON (Reuters) - Two women were arrested at a British airport on suspicion of trying to smuggle a dead relative onto a flight bound for Germany, police said on Tuesday.
The 91-year-old deceased man was pushed in a wheelchair through Liverpool's John Lennon airport wearing sunglasses before check-in staff became suspicious and he was prevented from boarding the plane.
He was believed to have been driven about 35 miles to the airport by taxi from Oldham, Greater Manchester, police added.
The women were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of a death and were released on bail.
"At 11 a.m. on Saturday 3 April 2010, police at Liverpool John Lennon airport were alerted to the death of a 91-year-old man in the terminal building," police said in a statement.
"Two women aged 41 and 66 were arrested on suspicion of failing to give notification of death."
The cause of death is not known.

Someone's pot garden must've gotten a little out of control

SAN DIEGO – Border authorities arrested a man trying to cross the border with two mowers stuffed with the type of grass not usually found in machinery. U.S. Customs and Border Protection arrested an unidentified Mexican man who tried to smuggle 53 pounds' worth of marijuana across the border on Friday. The man drove into the inspection station from Tijuana, Mexico, at about 5:30 a.m. hauling the lawnmowers in his pickup.

A dog alerted agents and a search turned up 21 packages of pot crammed inside the chassis of the mowers.

The driver was arrested and booked into San Diego county jail on suspicion of drug trafficking.

Tiger Woods is competing in the Augusta Masters Tournament right now and is currently at 6 under par, which is good enough to tie for 3rd. Will he win? Who knows. The more intriguing story for me is 16 year old Matteo Manassero who is the youngest player to ever make the cut for the Masters tournament