I'm pretty surprised that, as I write this, the franchise tag isn't receiving that many votes. I expected the matchup to be pretty close, but it appears I have either underestimated fans taking it too far, or I've overestimated the tag. Then again, we have a lot of history with Philadelphia Eagles fans, so I suppose I understand the votes. Today, we've got two fetishists going up against one another as Rex Ryan puts his foot fetish up against Daniel Snyder's fetish for spending ridiculous amounts of money on useless players.
We'll get to the voting in a moment, but first: remember, we are voting on what we believe to be the absolute worst thing of the two. If you're voting in a worst food contest, and you like pizza more than hamburgers, you would then vote for hamburgers in that matchup. Get it? Got it? Good.
(5) Rex Ryan's Foot Fetish
I know that people will vote for this simply because it's Rex Ryan, and that is totally fine and acceptable, because Rex Ryan is one of the most annoying people in professional football today. Now, take this portly, angry, shouting man and apply any form of sexual context in label form to him and ... and what do you get? You get something really gross. It's not so much that there's anything wrong with having a foot fetish (I'm personally not fond of feet, but every girl I've been with demands a foot massage, so "whatever"), it's just that I didn't need to know that Rex Ryan has anything to do with eroticism or any kind. I was perfectly happy considering him a football coach who thinks about nothing but football. Now I know the guy is all about dem feet, which is funny ... he seems like a dat ass kinda guy, personally.
(12) Daniel Snyder
LOL. I'm sorry, but there's not a more apt way to describe Snyder's spending habits. I mean, there might be better forms like "LMAO" or "ROFL" or "ROTFLMFAO", but you get the gist of what I'm saying, yeah? Snyder is actually has a decent approach that should work in theory: if you have the money, spend it on good players and it will show on the field. Thing is, he gives so much money, that the players don't even need to work. They got paid, son. They don't need none of this "every down starter" nonsense you're popping off at the top about. It's like, Snyder is trying to avoid the cheap Hong Kong knockoffs, so he buys straight from the manufacturer, while other teams are happy to order from Hong Kong and get their products for 99 cents with thirty dollars shipping and ... it's working out for them. Meanwhile, Snyder's product has a factory defect and he's having a helluva time getting someone from the manufacturer on the phone to start the warranty process. Haynesworth just isn't picking up the phone, because the dude. Got. Paid. Plus, he's kind of a douche. So yeah.
Day 1: "America's Team" def. "New York FOOTBALL Giants" - 428-40
Day 2: Rookie Holdouts def. Week 16, 17 Byes - 266-65
Day 3: Seahawks Alternates def. Buccaneers Loser Uniforms - 328-118
Day 4: New Referee Rule Limiting No Huddle def. Icing The Kicker - 180-116
Day 5: Twitter Beefs def Madden Curse - 125-108
Day 6: Prevent Defense def. Wildcat Formation - 296-65
Day 7: Chris Berman's Mannerisms def. The Many Faces of Philip Rivers - 188-185
Day 8: Player 'X' Is A Football Player def. Player 'X' Is A Future Hall Of Famer - 194-96
Day 9: Brett Favre's Media Whoring def. New AFC and NFC Championship Trophies - 293-39
Day 10: Fans That Take It Too Far def Franchise Tag - 231-42