Once a week, I'm going to take a look at various 49ers players on Twitter and some of the things they say. I'll probably end up being incredibly sarcastic and sardonic. In fact, the only thing that will be true is probably the tweets themselves, I'll likely talk some kind of jive after the fact, so - as usual - don't listen to me. Anyway, I'm going to do my best to keep it entertaining more so than informative, so if reading athletes talking total nonsense on Twitter isn't your thing, you're better off not commenting instead of complaining about it.
Also, this is a call to arms for some kind of clever title for this running feature. We decided yesterday that we were going to do this, and your benevolent dictator, Fooch, couldn't come up with a title. So whoever comes up with a good one gets um ... gets nothing, as it happens, but we'll probably use it. So that's good. First, a couple random tweets, then make the jump for more. A lot more. In the case that you have problems following along, the tweet is in italics, then the name of who tweeted it, and then my commentary after the comma.
Feeling good this morning, I'm watching my centric videos and eating some oatmeal!!! - Michael Crabtree, Watching videos and eating oatmeal alone. By himself. Without the team.
U nasty lolRT @Sky_IsTheLimit2: Farted at dinner #NeverDoThatAgain - Chris Culliver, Giving us ... well, exactly what he gives on every other occasion on Twitter. No really, go read his profile. That's all it is.
Good morning Blue Collars! Y'all already know what time it is! - Anthony Dixon, No, I don't know! Tell us, Boobie, tell us!
#Hamtime - Anthony Dixon, Oh. I'm not familiar with the ... type of thing that is. I can't believe he's actually using a hashtag that other people use.
Jus ate a Super burger! One of the best hamburgers I ever bit down into! - Anthony Dixon, Being an American.
@Boobie24Dixon hey young fellow u need to slow down on the grease u won't be out running anybody on that stuff! - CJ Spillman, Being a TERRORIST
@CJSPILLMAN27 im gone outrun em,pound em,don't worry I'm bigger and better! - Anthony Dixon, Being ... something.
@CJSPILLMAN27 Where u been at? Y'all need to get that scary D of yalls together,and come get burned! Whaz up! - Anthony Dixon, Telling turkeys how it is.
@Boobie24Dixon come again nephew! U know all we do is ball on our side of the ball! If u knew better u would do better young punk! Silencce! - CJ Spillman, Laying down the law.
@Boobie24Dixon yeah and you gone pound em w those double quarter pounders from mcdonalds! While u sweat grease out ya socks! - CJ Spillman, One-upping Dixon
@CJSPILLMAN27 Devil get up off me! Wooosah! - Anthony Dixon, Making up new words.
Got that Giorgio Armani cologne,shower Gel,and Deodorant,happy to be part of #Team Giorgio Armani - Anthony Dixon, Making sure his swag is in order in the middle of a Twitter war.
@Boobie24Dixon yeah call me the devil this year and for many more to come cause I causing hell!!!!!!!!!!!!! - CJ Spillman, Forming an unholy alliance with Dixon.
@CJSPILLMAN27 Yes sir,I'm with you,I'm talking Hands Man! Lol oh yeah #Team TouchDown to cause Hell! - Anthony Dixon, Needing to utilize his new Twitter union with Spillman to figure out how hashtags work.
@Boobie24Dixon @carriedew19 wakka flakkka - Joe Staley, what
It's funny seeing Ppl driving and digging up there nose,they be into it to, this one guy flit it out the window,n got it on someone car lol - Chris Culliver, I can forgive him for not coming up with the interception this time.
BBQ with Boone, @jstaley74, Alex and rookie mike person. - Adam Snyder, When I first read this, I just figured that Snyder forgot the rookie's last name. Turns out I did.
This massage feels great! I'm think my signal bout to fade! :) Man Down! - Anthony Dixon, I don't know why this made me laugh so much.
G-Night, time to hit the sack - Chris Culliver, TMI!
Day 4 ain't Nuthing change,more like finish folks finish! - Anthony Dixon, Mike Singletary? Is that you? Why aren't you in Minnesota?
Im Never satisfied. I never rest on what I've done for it's what I haven't done that keeps me unsatisfied and hungry for more - Patrick Willis, This tweet is great because I pictured Will Ferrell talking about his sex addiction and how he's never satisfied in Blades of Glory.
Man I need a timeout my hands shaking from the workout,I'm too Turnt up right now! Wow! - Anthony Dixon, About to turn into The Incredible Hulk.
I be vibing with y'all twitter,probaly sumtimes too much,and I know sum don't understand me,I'm often misunderstood,that's the fun part tho - Anthony Dixon, Don't worry, that's why we love you.
#Team In God I trust - Anthony Dixon, Still not understanding hashtags.
If ur gonna have hair on your head don't frost ur tips. Thx - Joe Staley, Making all the sense in the world.
Bout to hit Game Stop! What game y'all think I outta try! Need sum exciting! Kinda violent,lol Hey,we not playing,I need to release! - Anthony Dixon, The NFL lockout is turning players into violent video game players! Childish, unmarried simpletons, apparently!
Red scarf on my neck,Dat Gucci on my neck,Stop talking Cut The Check,It's Money,Power, Respect,Call the ambulance,Beat dat phucker AZZ, - Anthony Dixon, Saying some crazy stuff I ain't tryin' to hear.
@superreg30 boy u need to stop! - CJ Spillman, He's right, Reggie.
CAMP ALEX TWEETS
Lots of film work to be done today at camp alexander smith. Mental is just as important as physical in NFL - Joe Staley, Do you think we might like him more if we called him Alexander? I think I would.
About to walk on the field and run some routes. Feel free to come thru! - Vernon Davis, Let me guess, post up the middle?
My Legs so tired,my body aches,but I finished,it was a battle out there today,my feet started hurting/burning,but I finished,get use to it! - Anthony Dixon
Me and Alex connected on sum nice passes today,All NFL linebackers and safties in trouble! Loving the new plays! - Anthony Dixon, Upset to see Dixon apparently in cahoots with cornerbacks and defensive linemen.
Just finish working out... long day... - Michael Crabtree, ALONE!
Camp Alex so far good,I'm enjoying spending time with sum of the boys again,bus rides,plane trips,the meetings are sum of the best times! - Anthony Dixon
What don't kill me makes me stronger! Today full load of plays,running different routes,then conditioning,dis where it's won,let's win! - Anthony Dixon, Just before he mauls a pig or whatever #hamtime is.
Thinking of a master-plan! Trying to make a few things happen so I can be stress free! - CJ Spillman, Thinking about calling Tim Lincecum.
RT @606v2AF: @AnthonyDavis76 euromillions jackpot $250m. Would you quit football if you won? From your UK fans // nah, cant buy a Superbowl - Anthony Davis, Speakin' the truth.
I want 24,I want so Mo,I want sum Mo,if ain't even a threat,it ain't no promise,it's a plan!,Physical Toughness,Focus,Faith,Finish,Passion,Mental Toughness,Discilpline,Apply Pressure,Remain Compose! #Team let's Do it Leg Go! #Team 49ers - Anthony Dixon, Philosopher.
Alright folks, so that's that! Don't forget to follow the official @NinersNation Twitter account. We've also got the @sbnbayarea account, and a list of 49ers players for you to check out. Lastly, my personal Twitter account is @ninnyjams