:format(webp)/cdn.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_image/image/21983217/20131028_kkt_al2_307.0.jpg)
I hope the folks in London were genuinely pleased by what they were able to see in Wembley Stadium on Sunday, because I wasn't particularly entertained by it, if I'm honest. OK, for a while it was fun, then it got kinda sad and borderline boring.
The "game", if you can call it that, got out of hand pretty early. In fact, I was hoping for Colt McCoy to get in the game before the first quarter was over...but I know the faithful in London wouldn't have wanted to see that...unless they're into comedy on grass.
Really though, I was starting to get pissed thinking about the potential injuries the 49ers could suffer if they kept the starters in much longer. It turned out that most of the ones were in for the majority of the contest, which really was no contest. Have I said that enough yet? Grab your popcorn and keep the comments of this post open as Jags fan-trolls pour in.
The Jaguars had a chance, but then Kyle Williams recovered his own fumbled opening kickoff return and the game was over. When you see Bruce Miller streaking down the field in the passing game, on the offense's second play, you're done.
Frank Gore rumbled in from 19 yards, forcing missed tackles and making people look silly. Gore wasn't done, though. The next touchdown saw him take out TWO linebackers as Colin Kaepernick raced around left-end for the score and the Bob's-your-uncle Kaepernicking move, across the pond.
Gore and Kap decided they'd each score one more touchdown, making bets on the sideline as to the time on the clock when they did so. It didn't take long. Kap found the end zone again mid-second-quarter, while it took Gore just until the third.
Vernon Davis wasn't left out, though. He must have hypnotized the Jaguars, or maybe he had that invisible cream on him. Wait, no, he was like the green-screen behind the weather man and the Jags had special visors so they couldn't see him. Whatever his methods, they couldn't find Davis at all as he hauled in a wide-open touchdown pass, then a long 31 yard pass later in the first half.
It was 28-3 in the first half, and I was pissed. I wanted a shut-out, but the 49ers couldn't block Josh Scobee's 38 yard field goal as the second quarter drew to a close. I needed a "big-number-to-blank" score. I felt like a vampire who'd gone centuries locked-up in a coffin without blood. I was thirsty.
After Dan Skuta's 53-second-long fumble return for a touchdown where he showcased his flat feet and concrete shoes, I was nearly catatonic with boredom. It's one of the few times I wasn't really enjoying watching the 49ers play football.
When Colt McCoy finally entered the game I had to break toothpicks in half to prop my eyes open as he handed the ball off over and over again. I only had two beers through the whole game. If I'd have had more I might have gone to sleep the rest of the day. I nearly snorted some ground espresso beans at one point.
Defensively the 49ers continued to take the ball away (Patrick Willis forced the aforementioned fumble) and just almost get to the quarterback. The turf was soggy and the pass-rush was always just a step away. In fact, there were no sacks in the entire game, for either team.
Tramaine Brock made an egregious mistake when he jumped a route that led to a touchdown for Mike Brown (who?). There was no safety help over the top, meaning it was straight man, so Brock had to know that was the wrong call to be aggressive like that. No harm I guess, but it furthered my blood lust, which must now be taken out on upcoming opponents.
At this point I may never speak of this game again unless only to use it in substitution for counting sheep. Not all blowouts are boring, but for some reason this one zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz