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Oregon Trail: NFL Draft WR Edition

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I decided to take to the Oregon Trail and make it an NFL Draft Wide Receivers edition. This will tell us unequivocally who the 49ers will draft in May.

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As you know, there is an online archive of popular old-school games, such as Oregon Trail, which some of us remember playing in school as kids. Those of us who do in fact remember this now have grey hair, or no hair, but that's besides the point.

Fooch played the game yesterday with 49ers potential head coaching candidates, and I played it with 49ers leaders of 2014 (see my twitter feed for that). This time I decided to pick some notable wide receivers in the 2015 NFL draft. The results will tell us exactly who the 49ers should select in May.

Here's how the trip went:

I made Trent Baalke the wagon leader, a carpenter from Ohio. His wagon-mates were Kevin White, Jaelen Strong, DeVante Parker, and Dorial Green-Beckham. We left in March, because I knew I could rest and take it slow to begin with, since it's still cold and not much grazing, then amp up the pace after that. It seems to have paid off.

I also overstocked at the depot before we left. I accidentally bought way too much, but that may have also helped us out later on. On to the trip!

Jaelen Strong got the measles right off the bat, but we rested and he seemed to recover.

We floated the first river on our own and made it no problem. We found some supplies and then floated across the second, where our supplies got wet, but we only lost a day.

Kevin White now has cholera, though. I'm going to rest a few days. So far the pace has been strenuous, but I have rations on filling. We just passed Ft. Kearney, Nebraska.

Welp, Kevin White just died. I rested three days but apparently you can't sleep off cholera.

Dorial Green-Beckham just got typhoid. I guess wide receivers aren't built for wagon-train travels across primitive lands...

Well it seems that DGB pulled through the typhoid just fine. I guess Baalke has a good bed-side manner. The bad news is DGB now has cholera, and well, let's be honest here...that didn't end well for Kevin White. I'm going to rest a while. I'm nearly in the Rockies and it's only May 23rd.

DGB overcame the cholera now, as well. We've been good at hunting and still have adequate food left. It's June 21 and we just ferried across the Green River. Now comes the mountains...

Damn this typhoid fever. DeVante Parker has come down with it too. I'm going to rest a fair amount. Being in the mountains even in June is probably still pretty cool outside. Let's hope the weather warming up somehow cures typhoid in this case.

The rest seems to have helped. No more updates on Parker after several days. Jaelen Strong has a fever now though, and the weather is hot. I slowed down the pace when Parker got typhoid, too. More rest...

Whatever Strong did over that 3 day rest, he must not have stayed in the wagon...he's got snakebite now. I fear this is the end for the receiver.

Jaelen Strong...PULLED THROUGH! Now Devante Parker has a broken arm.

It's hot. Hunting has been pretty good, though we're down in the 200s for food most of the time, so it's a necessity. Jaelen Strong has a cholera. It seems everyone has to get this disease on this trip.

We made it across the Snake River with the help of a Shoshini Indian. I hope we filled our water kegs like the nice stranger suggested, but there's no option to do anything that specific on the game. I rested for 3 days when we got there, so hopefully Baalke was smart enough to do so.

The key is killing bears. Walk to a good spot and wait for the easy shot. I keep hitting space bar instead of enter to move around, so I'm shooting at thin air half the time. Bears are good because they're around 200lbs. Deer are about 60, so you need two to equal the 100lbs you can carry.

One of the oxen died. Good thing I accidentally bought 16 (got 8 yoke instead of 8 oxen. There are 2 per yoke). We're almost there now. It's late October, so just in time to be through the mountains. Let's hope at least one of the WRs make it to the end, but it looks good.

We're almost there. It's December 1, and DeVante Parker has dysentery. I rested a day, but can't afford to stay too long with the cold weather.

We made it! Only Kevin White died, and all of the rest of us were in poor health. Everyone got sick multiple times, so it's hard to define a clear winner here. Jaelen Strong had measles, fever, and a snake bite. DeVante Parker had typhoid, a broken arm, and dysentery. Dorial Green-Beckham had typhoid and cholera. Just two illnesses/afflictions for DGB. I guess that makes him the winner, and the 49ers will draft him in May.