We interrupt your regularly scheduled San Francisco 49ers retirement extravaganza to pose this hypothetical question. Say you have a good friend or even an acquaintance, and you happen to know that this person has just got back from a five-month long trip on which this person had no Internet access and was unable to check in on the NFL and the 49ers in general. For the sake of this hypothetical, this friend or acquaintance is as die-hard as die-hard gets when it comes to 49ers fandom.
The first thing this person asks of you is just how well their beloved 49ers have come out this offseason. They ask you, in so many words, to describe the 49ers' offseason thus far. What's the first thing you say to this person?
I posed this question on Twitter last night and I thoroughly enjoyed the responses I received from it. I particularly like the response from Bay Area Sports Guy, and all of the ones suggesting this hypothetical superfan take up fandom of the Golden State Warriors. But I'm sure you lot have stuff a whole lot more entertaining and funny you can run with, right? How do you handle this situation?
Personally, I'm into the idea of a stiff drink before any actual talking happens.
San Francisco's offseason has just been intensely, almost impressively bad. If there was an award given for worst offseason, the 49ers would win it. They'd take gold at the "It's Raining [site decorum] All Over Us" Olympics. It's reached the point where I can only laugh. It's a loud laugh, an assertive laugh that ensures everyone around me knows just how funny I happen to think it is. Of course, if they stick around long enough, they'll hear the laugh slowly transform into a sputtering whimper.
Before you answer the hypothetical question I want you to remember two things. The first is that the last time we saw 49ers football, Craig Dahl was hauling in a game-saving interception. The second is that this is all almost entirely Fooch's fault.