clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

You need to sign this contract to watch football with this Seahawks fan

New, comments

Want to watch the Seahawks? Well if you go to this guy's house, expect to sign an agreement

As a Niner fan living in Seattle, you find all sorts of things to make fun of them over. Five minutes into a preseason game gives me more than enough solid material to cover a single season of football. Rest assured, this is not an article where I will make fun of the Hawks.

Well, kinda.

I know what a lot of you are going to be doing, Niner fan and Seahawk fan. You’re going to group up, fight over seats, stuff your face, and drink beer. Not necessarily in that order, and not necessarily all those things. And we all know what happens next: the game is not near as serious as it should be because some people don’t shut up, don’t pay attention, and most of all, jinx us.

Well, one guy in Seattle isn’t having that happen in his living room. Meet Ken Graat. A respectable Seahawk fan since the 90s (READ: when they were losing. Pato’s note: Respect, dude). When you watch the Hawks in the 90s, you don’t’ have many to watch with. The pizza doesn’t get scarfed down, it just goes cold; the beer is fermented and bitter; and you engage in bouts of schizophrenia of talking to yourself because all your friends have better things to do than watch a losing team. Of course, all that reverses when they start winning. And that’s where Graat decided enough is enough. Post it:

This guy has a mandatory contract that you must sign before you even set foot in the living room to watch the game with him. This isn’t even scribbled on a napkin either. It’s printed out and looks like it came from Bill Gates' legal department.

Look, I know a few of us want to start laughing at the 1-2 man and I agree, it’s a bit extreme and kinda lame. But you read it right here: This guy is trying a new way to make his house better, and I can get behind the intention. It’s deep, it’s legally binding, and most of all: it’s extreme. This cat wants to watch things in his house, his way. This guy has loved his team since they were the doormat of the NFL in the AFC, he doesn’t need bandwagoners coming in and ruining his Sunday party. He's taking back his fandom.

My best friend and I have this guy’s mindset. We don’t talk about our fantasy during the game. We don’t sit there and have more people over—because then it’s a fight for seats. We don’t talk about our food unless we’re at a commercial break, because we want to watch the game dammit! Granted, we really can't find too many other people TO come over and watch with us, but we prefer it that way.

Now that said, why resort to a contract for people to watch the game? I thought Seattle was the land of passive-aggressiveness. If you don’t want someone over, don’t invite them. What? Some idiot came over in week 1 and wouldn’t shut up about how Russell Wilson lost his fantasy game? Just make a point that he won’t be there for week 2. If he asks, give him the "I’m going to watch it in a bar" speech, or better yet, don’t respond to his texts. You know how that works, on Monday when he asks you just say, "What? I told you where I'd be...didn't you get my texts? My carrier is whack." At the same time, this is merely planning ahead and avoiding a single bad game. One bad game only gives you 15 games of viewing rather than 16. And one bad Sunday during football season is aggravating. Plus, you can have someone cool over, but when people bring their people, you could run into issues like this every week no matter what you do. You know, your buddy brings his brother in-law and 'promises' he'll be cool, until you realize five minutes into the first quarter there's no way this guy, or the guy who brought him is ever coming back over. Hand them that contract and you eliminate all sorts of problems, because you can kick them out in five seconds and say, "Well you signed it right here."

Furthermore, that isn’t like the iTunes agreement we have to sign every time we play music. It's short and to the point. If you can't understand the terms and conditions, much less emphasize with this dude's issues, then you shouldn't be watching football with anyone.

Mr. Graat, you get my respect for trying to make things better in your crib. I may not agree with the methods, but I certainly see the desired outcome. Hey, I've accepted that no one and I mean NO ONE should watch football with me. It’s not a pretty sight. I’ve gotten into issues with fellow Niner fans from the manic mood swings the team gives me on game day (though maybe Tomsula will cure this). When you’re losing, some people want absolute silence in their frustration, others (like me) are screaming at the TV because someone dials in a stupid run play or defensive scheme that ends up costing us more yards.

We can laugh at this guy all we want but the fact of the matter is: He’s trying to change things that need changed. In this case, there are no dumb ideas in brainstorming. Well, actually,  this is a dumb idea, but I don’t see anyone else coming up with something better. As much as I'd like to go see what I.C. Nothing (El Pato's enforcer and referee) would say about this, I'd say I respect this guy, because no one is crashing his party this year.

Mr. Graat, the contract may be lame, but I envy how every week at your house will have way less issues.  Hopefully you find something less extreme in the future.