The chances the San Francisco 49ers will win the Super Bowl this coming season are roughly the same as the chances I’ll wake up tomorrow with a sunny disposition and confidence in Blaine Gabbert. If you’re unfamiliar with me or my writing and you are simply bad at inferring — I think we’re all doomed husks and Gabbert is mediocre at best and disastrously inept at worst.
You see, even if the 49ers exceed expectations, the expectations as they are happen to be incredibly low. I’m not certain how much readers here pay attention to overall projections and sentiment from the national media and around the social medias and Twitters, but as I understand it the 49ers are in Cleveland Browns territory, organization-wise.
That doesn’t mean that they are doomed and that they are guaranteed to lose 10 games next season. But smart money is on that, at least when it comes to the general sentiment. When it comes to my sentiment, I am absolutely positive they’re doomed.
We’re all doomed, in fact. This season is hopeless, everything is bad and we’ve got nobody else to blame but each other and each other’s mothers.
But how doomed are the 49ers? All of us are totally and completely doomed, of course, but there are varying degrees of potential doom for the 49ers. Are they only a little bit doomed? Are they surprisingly mostly not doomed? Have they got a bit of doom left over from the last time that they’ve forgotten about in the back of the fridge? Or are they about to be consumed by some sort of bleak, ruinous doom monster?
I personally vote the latter. But the point of the DOOM INDEX is to determine what you lot think about the 49ers. For a refresher, here are the results from the last time the DOOM INDEX was conducted:
Shockingly, the "least doomed" option won the poll last time around. This was shortly after the NFL Draft and I suppose people were fans of this draft class. To compare, the poll before that one, run on March 13, saw "pretty doomed" take the win, though that one also had Jordan Devey in its name.
Could Devey be a doom poll dominating machine? Is every option with his name in it fated to win the results, or did people legitimately feel that much better about the 49ers on May 8 than they did on March 13? It’s an interesting thing to consider.
I created an Imgur album with all of the DOOM INDEX results in Niners Nation history, for posterity. Check it out, and vote on.