The San Francisco 49ers are not at all doomed, because they have Jimmy Garoppolo, who is also not at all doomed. Everything is great. The sun is shining. Birds are chirping. I’m predicting a 16-0 season at the very worst next year. I’m on the hype train after that 49ers win over the Houston Texans.
Alright ... so that’s not true. I’m not making fun of people who are excited, mind you, I’m just honestly not sure how to be positive about things anymore. It feels so weird and alien to me. The 49ers looked good in a lot of ways on Sunday, and while there was plenty to dislike, I’m feeling pretty good. It’s not an altogether unpleasant feeling.
But, deep down, I know in my heart of hearts that they really are doomed. Just like me and just like you. There is nothing we can do to halt the crushing, overpowering doom from devouring everything that is good in our lives. This is just a simple fact of life, especially life in the NFL.
There is, as you all should know by know, a spectrum of doom. The 49ers fall somewhere on it, and judging by the poll results over the course of the season, they swing wildly across that spectrum week-in and week-out. You can find previous results for the DOOM Index at this image gallery right here.
How doomed are the 49ers?
This poll is closed
Zane Beadles Doomed (Most Doomed)
Trying To Sort Out Who Stays And Who Goes At Safety Doomed (Pretty Doomed)
Dontae Johnson Doomed (Somewhat Doomed)
Trying To Stop The Juice Train Doomed (Kinda Doomed)
Jimmy Garoppolo Doomed (Least Doomed)