The return of football brings with it one of the great new traditions: Deadspin’s series titled “Why Your Team Sucks.” Each NFL team has plenty of its own fans, but usually more people either don’t like or don’t care about a given team. And so, each year, Deadspin goes through all 32 NFL teams and offers up reasons to crap on them.
It is actually pretty easy to dump on most teams, and the San Francisco 49ers are no exception. Their 2017 Why the 49ers suck article offers up some potentially recycled material, but also plenty of new stuff with the turnover in the front office and coaching staff. Kyle Shanahan gets compared to Jared Kushner, while John Lynch gets the Matt Millen treatment:
You and I know exactly what happens when you put former player and boilerplate color guy in charge of your entire football operations (arches eyebrow toward Detroit).
Jed York gets his own section, and it is certainly a creative look at the 49ers CEO. They talk about wiping out the franchise’s relevance in a few years, but then they really cut deep.
When the NFL dies, they’ll look back at Jed York and his shitty beard stubble and his penchant for ripping off municipalities and he will be noted as the beginning of the end. Between the Niners’ permanent fire sale, and two teams electing to play on an LAX airstrip, and the Raiders moving into what is sure to be Las Vegas’s least fun building, you can see the tipping point. You can see right where the ice shelf breaks and the NFL goes sinking into the fucking ocean. I hope Jed can’t find a lifeboat. This man has never done a single fucking bit of good for anyone but himself. He is the sport’s preppy apocalypse and I hope he’s the first one Kyle anonymously trashes to beat reporters.
Jed has seemingly hired the right minds this time around, and is stepping out of the way. But Deadspin finds a way to make it look like they’re shooting fish in a barrel. There is plenty to be optimistic about this year, but Deadspin is always there to make sure we don’t get too big for our britches. Make sure and give it a read.