Words cannot describe how awesome it was to know that Star Wars greats, R2-D2 and Chewbacca would be announcing a pair of San Francisco 49ers Day 3 picks. Of course once I saw them in action, I was quickly disheveled and left feeling like a scruffy-looking nerf-herder.
Let’s first just get everyone up to speed with what the atmosphere is like:
The greatest danger of all of this was not R2-D2 screwing things up by drafting another player to the ACL All-Stars—which he did, it was that he was rolling towards two storm troopers holding blasters near Chewie. What kind of droid walks towards the enemy like that?
Furthermore, is that even Chewbacca or someone paid to dress like Chewbacca (kinda like all those Santa clones during December)? There’s two things a wookie does to confirm authenticity; show up, and do the growl. There was no wookie growl. Not even a murmur.
On another note, what the hell are storm troopers doing there in the first place?
I mean, Chewbacca is a fugitive to the Galactic Empire. Those storm troopers have blasters and are in point-blank range. Not like they’d hit Chewbacca anyways. If the storm trooper effect indicates anything, they would probably miss. Wouldn’t having soldiers of the Rebel Alliance make more sense? Was Harrison Ford available? Aren’t those two a little bit short for storm troopers?
Feel free to pass around any version of the trilogy to the NFL you want, Disney. It can be the original, special edition, or even the Blu-ray. George Lucas never went back and doctored any footage to have R2 and Chewbacca in a room with storm troopers where there wasn’t a blaster war going on (the scene in Episode IV notwithstanding). And we definitely don’t need anyone at Disney getting any ideas. And I thought the “Han Shot First” mess was atrocious.
You ever seen the Star Wars Holiday Special? That is more accurate to the source material than this. Yeah, I said it. and that is the most damning thing I can say about any of this Star Wars stuff cameo business.
But don’t take my word for it, our own James Brady had his opinions as well:
Why were there Stormtroopers did Chewy and R2 do a double cross... Or were the Stormtroopers employed by 49ers and they forced R2 to make the pick smh they call it Niner Empire and now I know why— James Brady (@JamesBradySBN) April 28, 2018
But this travesty isn’t the worst part of the afternoon. No. If you remember, Fooch, myself, Jennifer, and other Niners Nation staffers were all voicing unified stokeness in knowing Zsa Zsa the parrot would announce the Tampa Bay Buccaneer's picks. As huge of fans as we are of the 49ers, and how yours truly would pick the ninja over a pirate in their eternal battle, having a parrot, even one associated with Tampa Bay draft picks is nothing short of awesome.
Well, here’s the parrot:
The parrot didn’t speak. Way to oversell. pic.twitter.com/jSU6xTlYZr— Melissa Jacobs (@thefootballgirl) April 28, 2018
We here at Niners Nation take false advertising VERY seriously:
What the hell was that?! The parrot was supposed to talk! That's false advertising!— Patrick Holloway (@patoholloway) April 28, 2018
Ummmmm - wasn’t the parrot going to announce it??— Jennifer Lee Chan (@jenniferleechan) April 28, 2018
The #49ers beat exclaims FALSE ADVERTISING!!!
The NFL screwed us with Zsa Zsa the parrot.— Niners Nation (@NinersNation) April 28, 2018
The parrot has caused enough controversy the folks over at the SB Nation mothership wrote their own article on it, and I think it eloquently describes exactly the pain I face right now.
All I can say about all of this is wave the finger of shame at the NFL. If this was an experiment, it was nothing short of a failure. If you have characters from the original Star Wars trilogy announcing draft picks, a parrot announcing draft picks, just how can you mess this up?
Leave it to the NFL, they found a way. They always find a way.