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Treat your loved one with these 49ers Valentine’s Day Cards

Oh dear, what am I talking about here?

So, as I found out by checking my Facebook, today is Valentine’s Day. Or the day Pat is reminded he saved $15 by not buying a card/chocolates for anyone. You may think this makes me depressed, but the truth is, anything but. Social media is awesome today because I get pictures of babies with lipstick kisses on the face and feet and gifs of Squall and Rinoa from Final Fantasy VIII stating their love for each other.

Valentine’s Day is a bit lost on me now, but when I was under the age of 12, it was a fun holiday, kind of a mini-Halloween where everyone gave us cards and candy. Any of you who watch The Simpsons may remember the Ralph Wiggum episode where everyone gets cards but him. Well the scenery was pretty accurate, except my classes in 1st-5th grade were required to have Valentines for EVERYBODY. And rightly so—you spent the better half of a week each year making the bloody box that people would drop these cards in, you better get something for that work. So you bought these cut-out cards by the dozen from your local store, wrote a name down, attached a smarty, and called it good. Most of these cards were pop culture in nature, having icons like the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Barbie, and/or the Power Rangers in some pose while lame lines like “Hot dog!” and “If I wasn’t at an age where I thought the opposite sex had cooties, I’d go out with you” are printed above them.

I know a lot of you couldn’t care less about the whole ordeal. I have read that some of you think it’s a marketing ploy by the card companies, that’s fine. Work with me here for a minute:

The San Francisco 49ers tweeted out their own ‘cards’ similar to the flat cardboard ones I just mentioned and they are definitely chuckle worthy. Especially for the cheesiness that Valentine’s Day brings.

Me? I’d save these for trolling purposes and make sure to send them to people who like an opposing team in 2019. If Jimmy Garoppolo carves the Seahawks, I could totally send the Jimmy G card to make them feel better. I’m sure that will go over quite well.