Across the NFL, players used the last week off until their bye weeks to chill out before the grind of the regular season begins. Like Trevor Lawrence and Zach Wilson, many guys returned to their alma maters as beloved heroes to watch their former teams’ first matchup.
Meanwhile, the 49ers held a well-photographed event that got posted all over the Instagrams of the squad’s biggest personalities. It was the “Studio 49 Players Party,” which based on captions and general vibes meant a ‘70s disco themed shindig. This ended up producing some pretty dynamite looks.
The best picture of the soirée just so happened to be of the deepest and most dangerous unit on the team. The bond between these guys is real, and they are about to tear up opposing offensive lines and terrorize some quarterbacks.
But that’s not why we are here right now. We have bigger things to discuss. Who wore it best? Where do they stack up? Let’s rank them… Officially.
Back Row (L to R): Kevin Givens, Alex Barrett, D.J. Jones, Samson Ebukam, Kentavius Street, Zach Kerr, Javon Kinlaw
Front Row (L to R): Maurice Hurst, Arden Key, Arik Armstead, Darrion Daniels
N/A: Nick Bosa and Dee Ford
Getting this out of the way up top, we don’t know the exact whereabouts of the fearsome defensive end duo for the festivities, but their absence doesn’t seem to have anything to do with them not being up to the challenge.
Let’s assume the best and imagine they’re off finishing their rehab to be prepared to face the Lions.
Talk about understanding the assignment. Of course, Armstead, the team’s most senior lineman, would bring the heat. Starting at the bottom, hop on those platforms, and take the elevator all the way uuuuppp.
Then, peep these gloriously white and majestically wide bell bottoms — just absolutely on point. The shirt completes his fit while not being overly flashy. The pièce de résistance is keeping it unbuttoned just low enough to show off the sweet chain. Strike a pose!
The free-agent signee from the Panthers hasn’t been messing around this preseason and didn’t mess around for this. He might as well have pulled this white turtleneck out of a time machine, not his closet.
Add in thick chains and big frames to accentuate the grooviness. Bonus points: Kerr’s commitment to comfort and function is unmatched. Only the truest partygoers know that sweatpants allow you the best mobility to mingle with ease. This alone bumps him up to the number two slot.
Kinlaw’s primed to make a second-year leap and made sure to make a fashion statement on Saturday night. But, instead, he channeled his inner Steve Harvey, committing to the burnt-red double-breasted jacket.
To be a fly on the wall at the tailor shop when these measurements got done. It might be a record-breaking amount of fabric. Rocking a floral print shirt underneath and a matching pocket square? Genius.
Key took a huuuuuuuuuge swing and absolutely CRUSHED it. The fur coat is a statement piece of all statement pieces that’s very on-brand for the evening. He even manages to pull off the fedora, which is the equivalent of an accessory high wire act.
The only points I knock off here are for the cane. It absolutely goes with his look, and it’s great for photos, but carrying a cane around all night just feels like a guaranteed way to lose a perfectly good cane. But, of course, maybe that’s just me.
The nose tackle kept it simple with a classic white shirt and a beige jacket. He’s sporting the subtlest look that manages to capture the essence of the event. This is a guy who doesn’t have to go over the top to assert himself. That’s how he plays the game, and that’s how he dresses.
The Penn State product took the classiest approach of anyone. We have to guess that somewhere there’s a matching pinstripe jacket to go with the vest and transform his attire into a full-on three-piece suit. He’s also the only guy here who still believes in wearing ties. Mike Nolan would be proud. Now, as for the time period, he’s off by a couple of decades, but I appreciate the effort nevertheless.
Alex Barrett/Darrion Daniels
I’m pairing up the practice squaders, as they both decided to go in a similar stylistic direction: a button-down shirt and a black hat. Daniels rolls with the old-school cabbie cap, while Barrett may have opted for a bowler, but it’s hard to tell with the dark background. By the way, Barrett is looking tall in these photos. For someone only listed at 6’3” in the program, he’s neck-in-neck with Kinlaw.
Samson Ebukam/Maurice Hurst/Kentavius Street
Our final trio is who I will henceforth refer to as “The Button-Down Crew.” Hurst does the most by pulling off a more complicated pattern, but the other guys are just a little too down the middle for my tastes. Throw on a velvet dinner jacket or something. Clearly, they’re all on the verge of big years because these guys don’t have time to worry about this.